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"That's not our concern." As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize my mistake. I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore, try and protect her by keeping the horrible truths from her. She deserves better.
She drops her head. "Maybe it's better if I don't know." She sighs like she is so tired she couldn't even care to fight about it anymore. That's not what I want at all. I love her fire, her inquisitive mind, and the way she wants to challenge me on everything.
"It is. But if you really want to know, I'll tell you. I'm not keeping anything from you to protect you anymore. You don't need me to do that. You need my honesty, and I can swear to you from now on that's what you'll get."
Her eyes rise to meet mine again, and I can see how much she needed to hear those words, what it really means to her. There is a fresh sign of hope there staring back at me. Something we both really need after today. "Thank you."
I cup her face, taking every little detail in, from the flecks of green and gold in her eyes to the tiny freckles that scatter across her nose. "You were so brave today," I tell her, hoping she hears the pride in my voice. When we first pulled up here, I had no idea what we were going to be walking into, and when I saw that car fly forward, I thought the worst, but she had it all taken care of on her own. She wasn't waiting for me to save her like a defenseless little animal.
I see that flash of fear run through her again as she relives it. "I wasn't brave at all. I was freaking the fuck out. I knew I was running out of time, and he was deadly serious. I could tell he was going to shoot me if you didn't make it on time. All I could think was, ‘I'm not going to let him kill me today.’"
I rub her arms, trying to rid her of the goosebumps that have crawled up her skin. "You got yourself out of a bad situation the only way you could. That's extremely fearless. I know you have a lot of things that frighten you, and you have been living with so much hurt from when we were younger, but there is something inside of you. Most people don't have the inner strength that I have seen in you from the moment I first met you. I will never underestimate you again, and I want you to promise me you won't do it to yourself either." I brush my thumb over her lips as I stare at her beautiful face. There is no possible way I could be any more in love with this amazing woman.
She blinks back up at me. "Okay. I promise."
"Good, because after what happened today, I'm never letting you go again, so we need to find a way to make this work. You're my girl, Cassie. I love you with everything I have. I can't walk away from you."
She doesn't say anything but rises to her tippy toes, her hands going to the back of my neck, her nails massaging into my hair. Her long lashes flutter as she tries to hold our gaze, then her eyes close and she brings her lips to mine. She kisses me softly as she holds on to me like her life depends on it. My hands go to her waist, pulling her into me harder, needing to be closer to her, feeling her heat on my body. I have missed her, and this is what we both need to know we're going to be okay.
"Can I take you home with me? I can't go another night without you," I ask, hoping I'm not about to push her further away. But after what has just happened, I can't let her go.
"No. I don't want to go back to that house with all the guys there. I want you to myself, come home with me."
I can't help the stupid smile that breaks out on my lips. "Forever?"
She laughs. "For tonight. Forever is a really long time, and I have something important I need to talk to you about, remember?"
"Okay, I'll settle for tonight, but once I'm in your bed, you're going to have to kick me out if you want me to leave."
She rolls her eyes, and the sides of her lips turn up into that sassy smile I love so much. "Why don't you just wait and see what I have to say before you go moving in with me."
Shehasonlybeenin her new place for under a week, but it feels so much like her. It's a cozy place, with character and charm, polar opposite to the fuck-off mansion where you need an intercom to communicate. This suits her. She was never going to be happy at my place with the boys. The flashiness isn't important to her, and if I was able to do things differently, I would have.
She's very quiet and was the entire way home, just sat there staring out the front of the car, her hand in mine because I wouldn't let her go. Now that we’re home, I'm worried she might go into shock when she processes what happened today. I need to make sure that doesn't happen. I head straight for her kitchen. "What can I get you, a warm drink? Something harder? Where do you keep your alcohol?" I open cupboards, trying to work her compact kitchen out.
"Thanks, a tea would be nice. Cupboard above the kettle. I'm off the alcohol for a little while so I can get my head straight. I'm going to get a sweater, I'll be back in a second," she says softly, leaving me to it.
CASSANDRA
I FIND A SWEATSHIRT to throw on over my Scorpions jersey, hoping the warmth will stop the shakiness I feel. Then I go to the bathroom and wash my hands and face. I feel so strange, kind of like the day when Brandon's place got broken into and I shot that man. In my head I have been calling himthat mansince it happened, but it must have been Jerry, when I think about it. He was the same build and had that distinct overpowering cologne.
Brandon said I was brave, but I don't feel it. But I do feel different, not so afraid. Six months ago, if I ever thought I would be in a hostage situation like I was today, I would have assumed that it would break me, that I would never recover from the fear of it all. But somehow, I feel stronger, like I can take on the world and win. Maybe Brandon is right and I am brave.
When I return to the kitchen, he's sitting at the little dining table, a tea and a coffee in front of him and a plate with some of Mom's caramel squares stacked on it. He looks like a lost little boy, and I feel bad for him. What would it have been like for him to watch me be marched out of there with a gun at my head, not knowing if he would ever see me again. It would have been awful.
I take a seat across from him. "Thank you." I pick up my tea, cupping it in my hands to feel the warmth, then taking a sip.
"I found this in a container in the fridge. I know it's your favorite, thought you might be hungry. Or not, I don't know." The way he’s looking at me like I'm made of glass breaks my heart. I don't want him thinking of me as fragile.
"I'm okay, Brandon, you don't need to wrap me in bubble wrap. Today was shitty, and it was scary, but I'm still here, and there's something really empowering about that," I tell him with as much confidence as I can find.
He looks at me like I might have lost my mind.
I pick up the plate and offer him some. "It's my mom's specialty, you have to try some."
He takes a piece, still looking at me, unsure. "How can you be so calm?"
"I don't know. Maybe in that car today I realized something. I have been living my life in fear for so long that I wasn't really living, you know. I don't want to be that girl anymore. I want to take life by the horns like you do and really live, otherwise, what's the point?"
