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"He really likes comic books," says Ruby, like she has heard that list at least a hundred times before. "Can we watch the movie now?" She tugs at Millie’s long skirt, getting impatient with the rest of us for taking too long.
"Sure, I'll set it up." Amelia flicks on the television with the remote and scrolls through the long list of movies, selecting Shrek.
"One of my favorites," I say to Ruby who was waiting for my reaction.
"I told you it was a good choice," she tells Connor, like she's right and he is wrong. He doesn't even seem to care, still engrossed in his comic, but she does and turns around to watch the movie, pleased as punch with herself.
"You want some blanket?" Amelia offers me. I'm not cold, but because she’s offering it, I nod and take the other side of the soft blanket, making myself comfortable.
This should feel odd, cozying up with someone else's family, but it doesn't. I feel like I should be here. This should be my family. How many other nights just like this have I already missed out on? It hurts too much to think about. But now that I'm here with them, I'm going to make the most of every night like this that they let me share.
I try and watch the movie, but with the heat Amelia's body is giving off in such proximity to mine, it's hard to focus. My attention drifts to her. And I'm surprised to see she is already looking my way. She smiles, knowing she just got caught checking me out. It's a soft kind smile, one that says this means a lot to her, me being here in her home. I probably shouldn't, but on instinct, I reach for her hand under the blanket, taking it in mine and lacing our fingers together. I need her to know I'm here for her in any way she will let me be. That I want to be a part of this world she's created. She means something to me.
She doesn’t pull away either. She lets me hold her hand while the rest of the movie plays on. It's such a small gesture, but I know this is huge for her. Every now and then Ruby turns around to make a comment or offer us some popcorn, and Connor keeps flicking through his comic, not interested in the movie at all but content to be here with the rest of us.
There's something so comforting and familiar about all of this, even though it's been years since we sat like this and watched a movie. And back then, it was just the two of us, and it would have involved less watching and a lot of making out. Even still, this feels right.
The credits roll, and Amelia slips her hand out of mine. I miss her warmth immediately. She taps Ruby on the shoulder. “All right, kiddos, time for bed."
She is met with groans of complaint, but they both do as they’re told and sleepily hop up and wander down the hall toward their bedrooms.
"I guess that's my cue to leave as well. Unless you want me to stay? I have nowhere to be," I offer, not knowing if it's the right thing to say, but I have things I need to tell her before I head back to LA tomorrow, and if the kids are in bed, it might be my chance. I can't even think about tomorrow and going back to a reality I'm not sure I even want anymore but one I have to return to regardless.
She looks unsure. "Can you wait while I get the kids ready for bed? I'll be back in a sec." It's not a no, so maybe there is some hope she wants to talk about what I told her today. That she might just take me up on my offer of something more. Truth is, when it comes to her, I want it all. Last week when I spotted her at the reunion, it was all I could think about, stripping off that cute little dress she had on and fucking her stupid. Until she told me about Connor and everything changed. But it hasn't changed my fucking attraction to her. I want her even more knowing it. She was always my girl. And yeah, I have had ten years doing my own thing, but being back here, it feels unnatural not to be with her.
I type out a text to Devon, telling him I'll be back tomorrow. I haven't talked to him since the reunion, and we need to call a meeting with the rest of the boys. Things need to change if I'm going to spend as much time with Amelia and the kids as I want to. They all know it's coming. I have been burned out for a while now, needing a good break to work out what direction I want to take my life in.
For the last ten years, the band has come first, but now my priorities are shifting and something has to give.
He texts me back almost immediately telling me it's all worked out for two at my place tomorrow. My house that I have to go back to after the break-in. My skin prickles at the thought. Della has had a new security system installed and assures me there is no way anyone is getting past it, but still, what did this chick do while she was in my place? It's probably best not to think about.
I can hear Millie negotiating with the two of them to do their teeth and get into bed. Connor is more compliant than Ruby, she's a little rascal. About five minutes later Millie comes back down the hall looking worn out. "Sorry, bedtime can be tricky when Ruby's overtired. I wouldn't be surprised if she comes back down the hall in fifteen minutes looking for a drink of water just to get out of bed again."
"Don't apologize, that's what kids do, it’s fine."
She collapses back to the couch beside me. "Are you all right to stay a little longer? I don't really want to be alone with my thoughts tonight," she says, surprising me.
"Are you okay?" I ask, starting to worry because she looks more than just tired. And I know this last week has been a lot on top of her normally busy life.
She drops her head in her hands. "Not really. I feel like I'm about to fall apart. Like I have been strong for so long, and I just can't do it anymore." She bursts into tears. Fuck, I could never handle it when she cried. I pull her toward me. “I’m sorry, I don't know why I cry around you so much."
"Hey, Millie, it's okay. I've got you." I cradle her close to my chest, letting her get it all out as she sobs. "You're not falling apart. You just need more support. You're going through a lot. You have been for a while. Don't forget, I grew up with a single mom, I saw what it was like for her."
"You're going through so much too, and you're not a blubbering mess." She cries into my chest, her tears soaking into my shirt. I hold her closer, so she knows I'm not going anywhere. I want to be the one to support her, give her whatever she needs, even if it is only a shoulder to cry on.
I stroke her back. "It's okay to let it all out, you don't have to be strong all the time. I'm here for you, baby."
She hugs in a little tighter. "I'm afraid now that I’ve started, I won't be able to stop."
"You will because you have me here now to help pick up the pieces with you. You don't have to do this alone anymore. I'm here for you in any way you want me," I tell her, trying to reassure her. She has to know what she means to me. I know I walked away once, but that was different. I was young, and she told me to leave, to follow my dreams. It was what she wanted as well. Now there is nothing that will stop me from being the man she needs me to be.
Her sobs lessen, and she pulls back, blinking up at me. Her face is all blotchy from crying, yet she is still the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. I cup her face, and she presses into my hand, her eyes closing for a second, like she needs my touch as desperately as I need to touch her. But she couldn't be as frantic as I am. All week I have been itching to touch her, to run my hands through her silky hair and feel her warm body pressed to mine. Us hooking up at the reunion was just a tease, and now I'm dying to have her again.
When we’re together, the attraction is so intense, and I'm sure she feels it too. I can't help but want to be with her no matter how complicated this situation is. Her eyes flicker back open and fixate on me. She looks at me with such longing, I know she wants this too. So for a second, I stop overthinking how complicated it all is and just go with my gut.
I pull her face closer to mine and press my lips to hers, kissing her soft sweet lips. I couldn't fight this desire I have for her any longer even if I wanted to. She has always been my girl. And she will always be mine. This time I'm going to make sure it stays that way.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
