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“I can’t imagine how you could feel anything but hate for me.”
“I could never hate you. You’re my brother.” He turned to face their father’s sarcophagus. “It’s myself I’m angry with. I should have known how you felt about Mareleau. I should have seen it, even when you told me you didn’t love her.”
Larylis’ stomach turned. “No, I should have been honest. It’s just…it was complicated. I didn’t think I loved her anymore, nor she me. I didn’t think we could ever be together, didn’t think I’d ever be worthy of her. And it was your duty—”
“My duty can go to the seven devils,” Teryn said with a dark chuckle. “I’ve made more mistakes in the name of duty than I care to admit.” He turned to face Larylis with a pointed look. “It’s your duty now. One you’re rather tardy for.”
Larylis’ fingers curled into fists. “How can I wear his crown after what I’ve done?”
“I meant what I said before. You made an impossible choice.”
“What if I’d surrendered? He could still be alive—”
“We don’t know that,” Teryn said, tone sharp. “We will never know what might have been. If you’re worried about being worthy of Father’s crown, thenbeworthy. Stop asking if you are. Just be the king he’d want you to be.”
Guilt and shame twisted in his heart. Teryn was right. “I’ve done a terrible job of accepting my punishment, haven’t I?”
Teryn’s eyes turned down at the corners. “I didn’t mean it when I said you should take the crown as your punishment. I only said that because I needed you to accept. Because I knew your capacity for self-hatred was greater than your willingness to be happy. But that’s not what Father would have wanted.”
Larylis opened his mouth to argue but couldn’t find the words.
“I’ve seen what you’re doing, Larylis. You’ve been distant with your wife. You’re refusing to let yourself enjoy one of the best things life has to offer. Carry Father’s crown like a burden if that is your wish, but…don’t shun love.”
“Weren’t you the one who always said love is for the weak? That duty is greater when you’re a royal?”
“I told you how I feel about duty. Besides, you’re lucky. Your wife is both your love and your duty. Don’t push her away. And don’t you dare say you don’t deserve her. She deservesyou. A woman who’s willing to fight for your sorry ass deserves better than a cold bedfellow.”
Larylis’ cheeks flushed. His and Mareleau’s one night together in bed had been anything but cold. Yet Teryn was right. He’d gone to great lengths to distance himself from his wife ever since. The warmth of his love, the depth of his joy at being near her…it terrified him. He was so afraid to give in, to revel in the love he’d been given, to take pleasure in anything that had come from either his treachery or hers. What exactly he was afraid of, he wasn’t sure.
He met Teryn’s eyes. “You’ve changed…since before…”
“Since before I betrayed someone I cared for and got myself captured by a blood mage? I know.”
“The person you care for…that’s Cora, isn’t it?”
Teryn’s throat bobbed. He gave a curt nod.
“She’s the reason you’ve been acting like a maniac, isn’t she?”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t think you’re the only one who’s noticed odd behaviors, brother. I’ve seen what you’re doing too. You’re constantly in motion, constantly fixing things you don’t need to fix.”
“I just want to be useful.”
Larylis leveled a look at his brother. “You helped fix a wagon wheel on the road. We pay people to do that, yet you aided repairs with your own hands. When we arrived home, you organized the study. You cleaned Father’s desk. You alphabetized correspondences by sender, then rearranged them by date received instead.”
Teryn shifted from foot to foot. “I’m supposed to be helping you.”
“But you’d rather be somewhere else.”
A flush crept up Teryn’s cheeks. His voice was low when he spoke. “I need to talk with Cora about our…potential engagement. I don’t want her to find out in a letter, nor do I want it arranged before she’s had a chance to say yes. And if she says no, then we need to find another way to formalize an alliance with Khero.” He said the last part in a rush.
Larylis recognized something in his brother. Something he’d never seen in Teryn, only in himself. He wasn’t sure if Teryn knew just yet, but his concern over Cora was more than politics. More than alliance. More than friendship. A flash of treacherous joy crept into his heart, but for once he didn’t try to tamp it down. Surely he could stand to be happy for someone else, couldn’t he?
“You should go to her,” Larylis said.
“I will. Perhaps in a few months after you’re settled—”
