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I lapsed home.
I walked around the house for a moment, sulking one last time. I walked into my children’s bedrooms, and I caressed their things. Not once in a thousand years had I attempted to clear out their belongings. My sons’ wooden figurines, and my daughters’ necklaces, still sat where they had all those years ago on their dressers. I dusted them periodically, but I kept them just where they’d been.
I touched Véa’s gowns in the closet, breathing in the smell. They hadn’t smelled like her in a long time, but she’d worn them, and for whatever reason, I found comfort in cuddling the fabric. This time, though, when I touched her things, I didn’t sob.
Tears fell, but they were ones of hope.
I would die today, but soon enough, she’d be in my arms again.
“We’ll come back for these one day, do gràs,” I whispered, fingering the sheer, silky material. “Maybe you’ll wear them again.”
Of course, I was met with silence.
I sat down at the kitchen table, and I wrote Heylel a note. I didn’t tell him everything. Alastair was the one who’d have to deal with his emotional state in my absence.
So I just told him the truth.
Heylel,
I love you more than the sky is wide.
Your mums would be so proud of the man you’ve become.
I’ll see you again one day.
Love,
Nix
Flicking out each of the oil lamps, I headed out the back to the barn. Vinion and Ayla were sleeping until I opened the door. Then they howled, wagging their tails, and jumping in their stalls.
I let them out, and I petted them. I nuzzled my face into their scruffs, and I whispered that I’d be back one day. I swore I’d bring Véa, Mirobhail, Vanna, Friel, and Aein.
When I saidVéa, they turned to the door and excitedly wagged their tails.
That was when I cried.
She’d been gone for ten centuries, and they hadn’t forgotten her. They were still waiting for her to come home.
“One day,” I whispered to them. “One day, we’ll all be together again.”
I let them frolic through the yard for a while, doing my best not to sob. Fucking stars, leaving them hurt worse than leaving Heylel. Heylel was a grown man, capable of caring for himself. Vinion and Ayla weren’t.
Queen Iliantha promised she’d care for them in my absence, and I trusted she would. One day, when I remembered this life, when I had Véa and my children again, I’d come back for my massive, winged wolves.
I hoped they wouldn’t hate me for abandoning them, but I had to find their mum.
From there, I flew to the castle. I could’ve lapsed, but I wanted one last flight with them through the cool, dark sky. Once I tucked Vinion and Ayla into the queen’s stalls, I met Rafael and Medica in the courtyard. Alastair and Iliantha stood at the staircase, watching. I supposed they wanted to make sure Rafael let us pass into the abyss.
With tears in his eyes, Rafael said, “You better tell Véa I didn’t want to do this.”
I smiled, wrapped my arms around him, and squeezed. He held me just as tight as he had when he was a boy. Kissing the top of his head, I said, “Everything will be alright one day. This’ll be an old story we joke about.”
He let out a breath, barely catching the sob in his throat. “I’m so mad at you for making me do this.”
“I’m so grateful you’re putting me out of my misery,” I said.
It was certainly a sob that time.
