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But as I walked into that nursery where Laila stood with my youngest son, feeding him a bottle, and I saw that scar on her neck, I had a reason. Years ago, when she’d escaped captivity, I’d looked at those scars and wonderedwhy? Why put those in her? Her only ability they’d blocked with those stones was her ability of foresight. It didn’t dull those dangerous Fae abilities, the ones she’d used to escape.
Now I knew, and I had to tell her.
“Lai,” I whispered.
“Sh-sh-sh,” she murmured to our son, shooting me a look that said to shut the fuck up.
I gave a slight nod, despite the hollowness in my chest.
My daughter whimpered in her cradle. I walked her way, adjusting the pink pacifier that’d fallen from her lips. She stayed asleep, suckling again.
Laila hummed behind me, and I turned to look at her.
The gentle smile she gave Moses was so similar to the one Véa had given Friel. Soothing, comforting, and the most beautiful thing in the universe. It was like the stars outside the window behind her twinkled brighter the wider her smile stretched. Like the entire cosmos burned to see that smile.
I didn’t want to take it away, but I had to. I had to tell her what I’d done. I had to tell her I was the reason Lux held her and my son captive.
Walking to her, I carefully lifted Moses from her arms. His eyes were fluttering beneath their lids, opening and closing every few heartbeats. I sang to him until they sealed shut, and then a few minutes afterward. When I was sure he was out, I lay him in his crib.
Laila whispered, “I think he’ll sleep through the night. He didn’t nap today.”
“Probably.” I kept my voice just as low. “But do you wanna go to the bedroom?”
“In a minute.” She gazed down at Moses, stroking a fingertip down his cheek. “I didn’t get to see these two at the end, and I miss them. I just wanna look at them for a minute.”
“Alright.” My voice quivered. “But I need to talk to you.”
Laila looked up, eyes so full of love and adoration for our children that she hadn’t noticed the anxiety in my voice. “What about?”
“After you and the kids were gone,” I whispered. “I… I did really bad things, Lai.”
A half smile. “So have I.”
“No, you don’t—”
She grabbed my face, craned onto her tiptoes, and cut me off with a kiss. It was deep, and intimate, and I wanted to enjoy it, but I had to let this out.
She had to know.
“I don’t wanna know, Jeremy.”
“You need to—”
“Did you find a new wife? Or a fuck buddy?” She smirked. “Because that, I might wanna know about.”
No, I hadn’t. Not once. When she died, everything my eyes fell on was hideous. Things I once found beautiful, like the scales of a draken, or the smell of flowers, made me nauseous. I’d only been able to get myself off to the memories of her.
“I already told you I didn’t. That’s not what—”
“Was it because you were trying to bring me back?” Her fingers threaded into the back of my hair, thumbs caressing my jaw. “You did awful things trying to find me and our children?”
And now my eyes were burning.
“Then I understand.” She gave me that same soothing, comforting, gorgeous smile, and I swore the stars outside the window burned brighter. “I don’t care how awful it was, mi lim. I would’ve done the same or worse, no matter how bad you think it was. I know the pain of losing a baby, and I would’ve doneanythingto bring them back. So I don’t care. Whatever you had to do, you had to do. You have nothing to feel guilty for.”
“I do.” I tried to keep my tears from bubbling over to no success. “I’m the reason—”
“I don’t care.” She still smiled, shaking her head. “If you’re asking me to forgive you, I do. I don’t need to know what I’m forgiving you for. I trust you. I know you did what you did because you felt like it was your only choice, and I trust that judgement. I love you, and I don’t care what you did to try and bring me back. I don’t wanna know, Nix. I don’t wanna know.”
