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They weren’t happy that they’d eliminated a threat, but happy that they were strong and important enough to kill without consequence.
When I’d seen a memory in Michael’s mind, where he strung a man up by his arms and ripped his ribs through his back to pose him in what we called the bloody eagle—all because the man had killed his brother over some land—I’d vomited. Nix had performed the bloody eagle on someone as well. But every cut and slash he’d committed on that man was fury. Punishment.
Morally, it was questionable as well. But Nix hadn’t gotten pleasure from that venture. He was angry, and he let it out on a man who deserved it, a man who’d tried to kill the woman Nix loved.
As he’d done it though, Nix felt ill. While he ripped that man’s heart from his chest, he wished he could’ve slit his throat instead. He’d only done it in such a brutal manner because I’d nearly died, and he had to make clear to our army what would happen if they harmed the queen. He’d done it to make an example.
Michael did it because he liked it. Watching the blood roll down that man’s back brought him ecstasy. Hearing him sob and scream aroused him sexually.
I was no stranger to a bit of pain in the bedroom, but he got off on torturing to the point of death.
Gabriel stood on the sidelines smiling. When I saw the memory in his eyes, he got the same rush of excitement from it that his brother had.
They weren’t monsters. They were my nephews, and I loved them. But I couldn’t make them all but unkillable. To do so would not only jeopardize everyone in existence; it’d be a mockery of the tree of life.
With pain in my shaking voice, I’d told them no. I would not grant them eternity.
They were far from happy. They yelled and screamed, telling me to explain myself. I did. They said they’d done nothing wrong.
Technically, they were correct. What they’d done was allowed. The punishment may have been cruel and unusual, but Nix had done it, and so had hundreds of men in power before him. The way of life on Matriaza was harsh, and harsh punishments were how we maintained a peaceful people, as twisted as that may have sounded. Executions like that were rare, but necessary at times for the worst criminals.
I explained that my refusal hadn’t been for what they’d done, but because they’d enjoyed doing it. They had no vendetta against this man, and they butchered him like that for the fun of it. Just because they hadn’t broken the law didn’t mean that their actions were excusable.
Instead of acknowledging what I said, realizing that they could try to improve and become better people, it turned into a massive argument. Michael had gotten very close to my face when he screamed at me, and Gabriel wasn’t far behind. When I’d told them they weren’t helping their case, Michael even raised his hand to me.
He didn’t hit me. If Rafael hadn’t been there to tell him to stop, I believe he may have.
In that moment, I’d been afraid of them. It was a strange sensation. They were children to me, children I loved, and some of the few people alive who could kill me. That fury in Michael’s brown eyes, and in Gabriel’s blue, made me worry that they would.
Both Stella and Lux were furious with me. I tried explaining that they weren’t on their death beds, and if they tried to improve, if they acquired remorse for their actions, I would revisit the possibility. It made no difference. They were angry, and neither of them spoke to me for a month.
Nix and I had argued about it that night as well. He hadn’t wanted to discuss it at all. He’d heard my verdict, he was upset, but I was his wife, and he grasped the sanctity of my ability to grant eternity. Even if he didn’t agree with me, he didn’t want to sway my opinion. It hurt him to think that his nephews wouldn’t live forever, but he knew it was my choice.
I understood. Denying those boys eternity, by proxy, would kill them.
The only one who understood was Cere. She’d seen the same memories I had. She’d seen the way Michael towered over me, and she’d seen him raise his hand to me when he hadn’t gotten what he wanted.
“You made the right decision,” she’d told me.
I clung to those words, because my rational mind told me I was right, but my heart had said, “You can’t let the boys you raised die.”
“Lux is less awful than they are, as much as that pains me to say,” Cere said, still watching the children on the path ahead. “But it’s ironic, isn’t it? Because if those boys would’ve knownonlyour way, I doubt they’d be who they are. But that fraction of awful they got from Lux, from Matriaza… They’re poisoned, Véa.”
“Perhaps it had nothing to do with their upbringing and everything to do with a sickness in their mind.” I lifted my cloak over my head, ears chilled as the sun set. “Most people aren’t like that, Cere. They don’t enjoy awful, even if they come from awful.”
“Perhaps.” There was pain in her eyes, but the rest of her face was blank. “All I know is that we will do better for them than we did for the boys. And I think that begins with destroying the concept of royalty.”
I slowed, turning to meet her gaze. “What do you mean?”
“That pride is Michael’s deepest flaw. If he weren’t a prince, do you think he’d be so cocky?” She arched a brow at me. “Why is Michael the worst of them? He feels he’s owed power because of who his father is. Heylel doesn’t see things that way. Neither does Rafael.” She nodded to my children. “As it is, they only know their parents have business to attend to periodically. They don’t know you as Queen or Nix as King. Heylel doesn’t see himself that way either.”
“Well, I agree. I don’t want them to be boastful,” I said. “But the concept of royalty never did any harm on Morduaine.”
“It hasn’t caused problems here either.” She gestured around. “But we view royalty in a different way than Matriaza. If the boys get what they want, that same concept will overlap onto our new world. At the end of it all though, you and Nix are the two most important people of all three worlds.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I’m not saying so to stroke your ego. I’m saying it because it’s true. You’re the only person throughout history who’s been able to grant true immortality, Véa. Wars have been fought over you. I know you don’t like that, but it’s the fact. And we need to be cautious with those babies.” She pointed to my sons and daughters. “They can’t grow up knowing how important they are. There’s nothing more dangerous than an ego with power behind it. Ego on its own isn’t awful. Power is needed at times. But the combination is deadly.”
