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As much as I disliked Lux, the pain in his eyes when his brother said that wounded something deep in my heart.
“Aside from that, I’m not sure this isn’t a trap,” Nix said.
Rafael’s expression told me he wasn’t only annoyed by that statement, but offended. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“No, I don’t believeyouwould.” He nodded to Lux. “But you would.”
“I know I fucked up.” Much to my surprise, Lux lowered himself to the soil. He crossed his legs lotus style, looking so… small. Like a dog showing its belly in submission. “I fucked up last year, and I fucked up millenniums ago. But don’t the past three-hundred-thousand years mean anything?” He opened his arms at his sides. “I’m doing everything in my power to right my wrongs, and I don’t know what more I can offer.”
“You say it’s a fuckup like you brought the wrong meat in to thaw. Like you intended to have a bird tonight, and you grabbed the boar instead,” Nix said. “You killed two stars damned worlds, Lux.”
“Believe me, I know. But it was a mistake—”
“You’re absolutely out of your mind if you think I can believe you made the same colossalmistaketwice in a row,” Nix snapped. “Do you think I’m stupid? Do you think—”
“I thinkI’mstupid, and I think you give me more credit than I deserve,” Lux spat. “I don’t want more power, Nix. I’m old. I’m tired. I was planning on handing things over to Rafael in a few years regardless. I don’t want to deal with governing infant fucking souls. I want to prepare for the return of the maalaichte cnihme, and then I want to sleep. I want to sleep for a fucking century when that war’s over. I want to drink ale on a beach naked and eat berries with my feet in a river, and Idon’t want another fucking war with my brother. Do you? Aren’t you tired? Aren’t you ready to fucking relax? Aren’t you ecstatic for your children to grow up and take your place?”
Again… as much as I disliked Lux…
“You’re a wonderful actor, and you always have been,” Nix said. “All of this could be a ruse. You could be telling me all this so I believe I can trust you, and then I’ll follow you to our land, and you’ll kill me just like—”
“Fucking stars.” Lux thrusted his fists down at his sides, pulses of golden lightning shooting across the grass and sparking the edge of my porch.
I tossed a stream of water at it before it could go up in flames.
“And I’m tired of this too.” Lux glared down at his sparking fingers. “I don’t want to have this much power. It’s fucking terrifying. But you know what, Nix, just get it over with. Kill me. I’m not gonna fight you. I’m as tired of this shit as you are.”
Nix simply rolled his eyes, like I knew he would.
He loved his wee shite of a brother. He could never kill him, no matter what he’d said or what Lux did. They’d be at each other’s throats until the end of time, but I knew neither of them would ever have the balls to kill one another.
“Please.” It wasn’t a plea, but an annoyed chirp. “Please, just fucking kill me. Maybe when I’m reborn, I’ll be a no one, and life’ll be fucking easier. I can till some fucking soil, or ret some fucking linens, or—Fuck, I don’t know. Just put me into a body where I won’t have the opportunity to fuck up as bad as I have in this one.”
The sad thing was, I believed him. He was bitter, but not vengeful. Truly, from the bottom of his heart, he didn’t give a shite about ruling anymore.
“And ya know what else?” Lux asked.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“It’s awful only having him.” He pointed at Rafael. “Love him with my whole heart—really, I do—but fuck, he’s an infant. He doesn’t remember the most formative years of my life, and sometimes, I just want someone to fucking talk to. That was Hana and Pa before. Now they’re gone, and you won’t fucking talk to me”—he pointed to Nix— “and we were friends, but you refuse to let history be fucking history”—he pointed to me— “and I’m ready. I’m ready to either die, or sit in a cell, or lie naked on the beach. One of them. Please. Give me one of them and put me out of my fucking misery.”
“That was a lot of ‘fucks,’” I said.
“Fifteen, I think?” Nix asked.
“Something like that,” I said.
Lux glared. “I hate you. I hate you both.”
“Ah, one thing we all have in common.” I stretched my arms over my head with a yawn. “I think we’ve all made our points now. Meet us in the woods there at sunrise.” I pointed to the far left of the yard. “There’s a treehouse the children play in. We’ll all head to the castle together, and we’ll discuss our next move.”
* * *
“Do you believe him?” Nix poured some tea from the kettle into my mug.
“I do.” I spooned some honey into each of our cups. “I don’t like that I do, but I do.”
He sighed deeply, blue eyes narrowed to slits.
