Page 35 of Finding Zara


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Something in my tone must have alerted him. “You’re not close?”

I shook my head, not prepared to discuss that particular topic today. I didn’t want to spoil a lovely afternoon.

He took my cue. “Well, I’m going to get started on a second coat for these doors.”

“Sure, let’s do it. I think it’s my turn to play with the spray gun, though.”

Once I was set up and working away again, I said quietly, “Will you tell me about your ex-wife?” I flicked him a quick glance, then gave him the courtesy of looking away, back down at the paint moving evenly across the door. He started in surprise. We’d never talked about him being married before. “Sorry. Emma told me about her. No details, just that you were divorced.”

He took so long to answer that I was just about to apologize for bringing it up. “We were high school sweethearts,” he began, his voice monotone. I kept my gaze focused on painting the doors, giving him the same privacy he’d given me. “She came from the ritzy part of town.”

“There’s a ritzy part of town?”

“Yeah, they live in all those fancy houses along the river. Where Gabe did that landscaping job he was talking about the other night. But Clarice’s family went bankrupt, so she stopped going to her private school in Charlotte and switched to Esperance High. I noticed her right away. Everybody did. She was gorgeous. And she noticed me back, so we started seeing each other. It was great at first. Well, for a long time, actually. We got married in our early twenties. I’d been working with my dad for a few years by then, so we bought a house. I wanted to start a family, but Clarice wasn’t ready. Fine, we were young. There was plenty of time, right?” He stopped. I risked flicking him another look. He was gazing blankly up at the sky, his face unreadable.

“I thought she was content, that we were good. But then she started buying things we couldn’t afford. A luxury car. Expensive furniture. Designer shoes, handbags. She said it made her happy, so I let it go. But it got worse, to the point where she started applying for credit cards behind my back. Forged my signature. Cried her eyes out when I found out. Said how sorry she was. I forgave her. Then she said she wanted a baby. I thought that was a good idea, because it would give her something to focus on; she hadn’t worked since she left high school. We started trying straight away, but after six months, no luck.” He stopped again.

I put the spray gun down, contemplated going to him, but his shoulders were hunched, his hands clasped tightly between his knees, and I thought it might be better not to after all. “That was pretty much the beginning of the end, really. When she didn’t get what she wanted, she just spiraled out of control. Everything was my fault. I didn’t earn enough money. Why couldn’t I be a millionaire? Why was I such a loser?”

“Oh, Matthew, no!”

He shrugged. “Whatever. When she started sleeping around, that was also my fault, apparently. At first, I thought she just needed help, you know? Like professional counselling, I mean. Because every time I caught her cheating, she’d swear it was the last time, but then off she’d go again. She just always seemed so sorry afterward. Every time. So I really thought maybe she was sick or something. Lucy didn’t agree. She made me see that Clarice was pretty much just a spoiled brat who was never going to change. And that she didn’t love me because she couldn’t love anyone but herself. Finding her in our own bed with another man was the final straw, because she’d never brought someone home before. She’d always gone to them. Honestly, I think she wanted to be certain I’d find out. Lucy thinks it was because she loved the drama. It made her feel important. Anyway, I filed for divorce the next day.”

“That must have been awful.”

“Yeah, it was. It turned nasty. She fought me for everything. I just wanted out, so in the end I just let her take it all. The house, the car, all the furniture. I paid off all the debt she’d racked up and walked away.”

“Where is she now?”

“She sold everything and took the cash. Moved around a lot. Kept on spending big. Lucy bumped into her a few years ago on a work trip. She’d burned through all of her money and was dirt poor. Living in Chicago. Apparently, she asked Luce if she thought I’d take her back.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Yeah.” He rubbed his hand over his face, looking bone weary.

Knowing exactly what he needed, because I’d needed the same, I got to my feet, walked over to him and slipped into his lap. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I let my head fall to his shoulder. “I’m sorry that happened.”

“Thanks.” We held each other like that for a few minutes. Two bruised souls, taking comfort in each other. After a long while, I raised my head to look at him, brushed his hair back from his forehead, kissed him gently on the lips. Felt the little frisson of heat straight away, thought to pull back, worried it might not be appropriate to start anything when I was meant to be offering comfort. But his arms tightened around me and he kissed me back. I opened my lips with a sigh, entwining my tongue with his, pressing myself against him as he deepened the kiss. The low fire that was always smoldering in the background flared and I kissed him with more heat. Without breaking the kiss I shifted so that I could straddle him, almost groaning when he pulled me forward and I could feel his erection pressing between my legs. “God, Zara.”

“I know,” I said breathlessly, tilting my head back so he could kiss my neck. He pushed his hands under my sweater, running his fingertips over my bare skin. I bit back a moan when he cupped my breast. Bess let out a low bark that I barely heard. But I did hear the sound of a truck engine coming down the drive. I froze for a moment as my brain registered it must be Gabe. I pushed against Matt’s shoulders and leapt to my feet, staring wildly at Matt.

“What is it?” he asked, looking at me in confusion.

“Gabe’s here.”

“Yeah. And?”

“He’ll see us.”

“Yeah. And?” he repeated, still confused. “Are we keeping this a secret?”

It was then that I realized that my natural reticence, coupled with my loner mentality, had made me feel that keeping our…whatever-this-was…to ourselves was the most natural thing to do. Now, faced with the idea that Matt wasn’t on the same page, I panicked. “Yes, we one hundred percent are.”

“Oh. Okay. I didn’t realize.”

“Have you told anyone?” I asked, panicking even more.

“No. It’s only been a few days. I haven’t had the chance. Relax.”

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