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“He is.”
“And super good looking.”
“Super, super good looking.”
“Okay, so you say he wouldn’t fuck me over, and I believe that, but I’m not in the best head space right now. Maybe I’d fuck him over, and I wouldn’t want that. I wouldn’t want him to start getting the idea that I’m offering more than I’m capable of. That wouldn’t be fair. The deal was casual sex for the time I’m here. End of story. Not that we would get all couply or whatever.”
“So be a grown up and talk to him about it already. I’m not saying suggest marriage, or any shit like that. I’m just thinking it would make things easier and nicer for both of you if you were just more open about your rela—” She stopped when she saw my reaction to the word relationship. “About yournon-relationship. Then it’s up to him if he wants to pick up what you’re laying down, you know what I’m saying?”
I nodded, my mind whirling. In my heart, I felt the truth of what Ally said. Coupled with my own, unnamed feelings for Matt, it was a confusing mix. “You’re not mad at me for not telling you earlier?”
Ally chuckled. “Not at all. It was obvious there was something going on and banging was only a matter of time. And I know you, Zee. You’re not one to put your private life on blast. It’s all good.”
“No, I’m not.” I agreed. “But I think it was just, yeah, everyone knowing about it makes it real.” Puzzling it out in my hungover fog, I continued. “And if it’s real, then it’s…something. But I don’t know what the something is.”
“Just let it be an unnamed something, then,” Ally advised. “Don’t stress about the labels. I must say though, I am loving this saucy side to you. I did not know you had it in you.”
I tore off a piece of bacon, taking my time before swallowing and saying quietly, “I didn’t either. I never had any idea it could be like this.” I got a faraway look in my eye.
“I can’t imagine Gregwas very generous in the sack, the selfish prick.”
“Ha! You’re right there.” I pondered for a moment. “You know, I’d slept with a few guys before I met Greg, and with one of them I quite liked it, but it was nothing like this. The sex with Matthew is just amazing. I never knew my body could react like that, that this was even possible. How do you know, when you first meet someone, that it can be like that?”
Ally shrugged. “Dunno. I haven’t met him yet.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “Really? I thought multiple orgasms were practically an everyday occurrence for you.”
Ally snorted. “Not even for me, my friend. It takes a pretty special guy to be able to do that. He’s gotta be a giver. The guys I sleep with, they’re great, because, well, you know, I’ve got high standards. I don’t let just anyone get their hands on this.” She shimmied her hands up and down her body, a saucy grin on her face.
I laughed. “Of course not.”
“Yeah, so it’s good, and I enjoy it, but it’s like we’re just scratching each other’s itches, nothing more, you know what I mean?”
I was thoughtful for a moment. “I guess so.” There was a lot of food for thought there. “Anyway, thanks for not being mad at my weird, secret-keeping ways.”
“We all have our secrets.”
I snorted. “Not you, you don’t. You’re a wide open book.”
Ally grew suddenly serious. “Yeah, about that…”
Sitting up straight, I gasped and dropped my uneaten toast on the plate in mock horror. “You…you have a secret?” When Ally dropped her gaze to the comforter and started tracing the pattern with the tip of her finger, I started to feel genuinely worried. “Al?”
“Fuck, I don’t even know why I’m thinking about this right now.” Grabbing a pillow, she shifted to lean against the headboard, hugging the pillow against her. “Look, it’s not really a big deal, so you can stop looking at me like that.”
“Okay, but you better tell me because I’m getting a little freaked out.”
Drawing in a deep breath, Ally began. “I guess I’ve never talked to you about it because it was so long ago, and I thought I could keep it there. Dead and buried, you know? Fuck, that sounds dramatic.”
“It sure does.”
“So, I’ve just given you this big lecture on rules, and labels and shit.”
“Yeah…”
“And you know my number one rule is sort of, treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen. Love ’em and leave ’em, cruel to be kind, all the cliches.”
“Uh huh…”
