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Several hours later, Love settles Bellamy into her bassinet and disappears to the bathroom. She comes back and crawls into bed next to me. She just got through with the three a.m. feeding, and she's still sleepy.
Love gave us the most amazing gift I can imagine. She grew our child inside her fucking body.
I pull her to me.
The desperate urge to claim her hasn't abated, and I'm starting to feel a little feral the longer it goes on.
It's also the middle of the fucking night, and Love is exhausted. It doesn't take three minutes before her breathing evens out.
Dex pops in as quietly as possible and strips out of his clothes. Jude does the same on the other side of the room.
Dex scoots close to her front and gives her a soft kiss on the end of her nose.
"You good?" I barely whisper the words. Love needs the sleep. I won't risk waking her.
"Yeah, I needed to burn off some energy," Dex says, catching my eyes. "I didn't use. Jude was with me, if you want proof."
My head rests on my palm. I sigh, shaking my head.
"I'm fucking sorry, Dexter," I tell him truthfully. "For jumping down your throat the last few months and for the shit I pulled…"
"You don't need to apologize," Dex whispers. He winces. "I was fucking up big time."
Dexter is his own worst enemy. He judges himself to an impossible standard none of the rest of us could ever live up to either. He accepts the rest of us, flaws and all, and I've been harder on him than I should have been.
"The way I've been talking to you…" My eyes fall shut. "We're family, Dex. I took out my rage and anxiety on you, and I am truly fucking sorry for that."
"You had good reason—"
"No," I bark.
Fuck. I didn't mean to do that. We both close our eyes, breathing quietly, and wait to see if Love or Bells is about to wake up. After a few seconds, I open my eyes. Dexter is studying Love's face, brushing a finger over her cheek.
I probably could have fixed shit between Love and Dexter a while ago. I apologized to her for it. Now I've got to own up to it with him.
"I don't know if I would have quit," Dexter whispers. "I'd like to think I would have…" He shrugs, his face a mask of pain. "But I really don't know if I would have without y'all making such a big deal of it."
"You're not like your mom," I tell him, leaning over Love and squeezing his shoulder. "I know it would have hit you the moment you held her."
It's the truth, too. Dexter can be annoyingly stubborn, but he's also a good man. He fucks up, but we all do.
"I was afraid she'd be yours. It's why I've been such a dick to you. I'm so fucking sorry, Dexter. I haven't been fair to you because I was terrified of what that meant for me, and I'm ashamed of that."
Dexter swallows thickly. "I thought you didn't care?"
"I never did, not like that," I say, sighing. Fuck, this is as embarrassing as it is hard to explain. "You and Love have always been best friends. You're close. I worried about what it would mean if you two were connected on that level. Sex is one thing, but you two fucking created a life."
"You know Baby would never leave you," Dex says, studying my face.
Blowing out a shaky breath, I nod my agreement. "No, but my head has been a wreck. It's hard to be on the outside of something so fucking life-changing."
Dexter chuckles, but there's no humor in the sound. "Why do you think I've been losing my shit these past few months?"
"I know, and I'm sorry I didn't handle this the way it should've been handled. I probably could have gotten through to your ass sooner if I'd really tried. I let Love hurt watching you fuck around, and I hate that. I was selfish." My head hangs, resting against Love's shoulder.
"Mistakes were made on all sides," Love mumbles sleepily. "I want a bond with both of you."
"What?" Dex and I say in unison.
