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James
No one prepared you for the crushing guilt you will feel when you honestly start to consider letting another person into your life after you lose “the one.”
Haley was opening my eyes once more to the beauty of having someone you were attracted to close by, but I couldn’t stop thinking about my vows to Jane every time she looked at me in that gorgeous, soul-crushing way.
Jane, my Jane. My lovely, college sweetheart—was taken from me and my kids by cancer and I was helpless to stop it. I have never in my life suffered through an experience that took so much from me and everyone I loved.
So, falling for Haley felt like disrespect to Jane’s memory. Especially because I wanted her so badly.
When Jane and I had gotten married we were twenty-two years old and barely aware of life and its intricacies. There wasno way of knowing who we could have or would have become with each other, and in an odd way, cancer had saved us from the very potential of falling apart.
But here, now, with Haley, I was firmly the man I had grown into. I knew who I was and what I wanted and so no amount of success or failure could be blamed on growing pains.
I was distant after our hookup, far more distant than I should have been. But I was scared of what it meant for me to be so willing to put Jane in my past and make Haley my future. Would my kids even allow Haley to transition from their nanny to more? Would my peers?
It was the Tuesday after Haley and I’d had the most romantic and passionate night of likely both our lives and I was hiding in my office down at the equipment rentals like the coward I was. My front desk manager, Andrew, had been by several times to tell me that he’d seen Haley wandering the lobby—presumably looking for me. I thanked him and shooed him from the office before anyone could tell I was there.
After all, I was working with the lights off.
What was wrong with me? I was like a teenage boy whose condom broke on prom night. This had to be the most unattractive version of who I could be like, ever.
I had just finished eating my lunch when my phone rang and I looked down to find that the Ski Lodge Organization’s president was calling me. Jared and I were on great terms and sometimes this led to him asking for favors. Not typically pleasant ones either.
“Hey, Jared,” I said, answering the phone.
“James,” he replied. “How are you? I haven’t heard from you since the party. Whatever happened to that cute, young thing you were toting around all night?”
Something irked me about the way he was referring to Haley like she was some sort of supermodel that I was carting aroundfor show. But getting angry wouldn’t help, I needed to diffuse and change the subject.
“She’s fine. Listen, I’ve been meaning to call you, too. What does someone have to do to be considered to host an Olympic qualifier?”
Jared laughed on the other end of the line. “Why? You wanna throw your hat in?” he asked. “That’s literally what I was calling you about.”
Now he’d piqued my interest. “Oh really?” I asked. “Okay, and what are the details?”
“Well, after the situation at Brother Bear’s—that of course Kevin couldn’t help—the committee is looking for new locations. You know, just to give Kevin enough time to get things sorted out.”
Poor Kev. None of that had been his fault and yet, he was about to take the full weight of responsibility for it.
“I could probably do it,” I said. “What does it entail and do I have to get sponsors? I hate working with sponsors.”
“Is that even a question?” Jared replied. “Obviously you have to work with sponsors. That is unless you plan to finance the whole thing yourself.”
“Don’t tempt me,” I replied, and the realization that I could be hosting one of Haley’s qualifiers crept across my awareness. “Hey, listen. Are there any rules forbidding location employees from competing at qualifiers?”
“Ah… so there is more with Haley Birmingham. You scoundrel.”
“It’s not like that,” I insisted, when in reality, it was exactly like that. “I’m just covering bases for her. She was hired by me after all.”
“I will check with those stuffed shirts up at the Olympic committee but not to my knowledge. And if it did, there’s an easy way around it.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked, feeling hopeful. “And what is that?”
“Marry her, of course,” Jared replied with a self-indulgent giggle.
“Don’t make me hang up on you.” I groaned. “So how do I sign up to do this?”
Jared took a minute to stop laughing at his own comedy genius and cleared his throat. “Well, you’re only a handful of steps behind qualifying. The major thing is the fact that you are required to host a major benefit for the charity of the committee’s choosing. They want to know you’re in this for the right reasons, obviously.”
