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I heard a bit of laughter and Katie saying, “Sorry!” and I waited a few seconds to answer her.
“Um… can I see you for a moment? I need some help with… stuff.”
There was an odd silence, and I waited while Anna spoke to the kids, saying things I couldn't hear but also couldn’t care about right now. It was only about a minute later before Anna’s face came into the hall, and I rushed forward to grab her by the hand, dragging her into my room.
“Ow, Haley,” she complained. “Careful. Why are you—” She really looked at me and her face looked worried. “What happened? You look freaked out as hell.”
“I missed my period,” I said very quickly so that it was almost unintelligible.
“Youwhat?” Anna asked as though she hadn’t understood, but the look on her face showed the same worry mine probably did. “How?”
“How the hell do you think?” I snapped. “Pretty sure we both took sex ed in high school, Anna.”
“I just mean…” She looked lost for words. “I guess I mean… who? Max?”
I bit my bottom lip and shook my head. “No. It has to be James. I was using condoms with Max at the end, and I’ve never used one with James. I thought my birth control would have been effective again after I stopped the antibiotic, but I guess I was fucking wrong!” My words grew more and more hysterical as I went on, and by the time I was done, I was practically screaming.
“Shh!” Anna said, looking at the door. “You don’t want them to hear you.”
“Gonna be hard to hide it for long,” I said, choking back sobs. “God, what the hell am I even doing? This was just supposed to be a job to pay for therapy so I could get back into training and go to the Olympics. And now, what? I’m gonna be some cliché single mom with no future who got knocked up by an older guy?”
“First of all,” Anna said, “you don’t even know for sure if you are pregnant. So why don’t I run out and get you a test? I’llbring back something fun for lunch for the kids to distract them. Second, do you really think James is the kind of man who would leave you high and dry if youarepregnant? You know him better than I do at this point, but I can say from what I’ve seen, he’d at least do his best to make sure you were taken care of, even if he didn’t want to take this all on.”
“Great,” I said. “The man gets to decide what he does or doesn’t want to take on, while I’m stuck no matter what he decides.”
“Unfortunately, that’s just how it goes sometimes,” Anna said, and I buried my head in my hands. “But don’t prewrite the script. Let’s get you a test and we can go from there.”
“Okay,” I said, trying to breathe as Anna hugged me.
“No matter what happens, it’s all going to be okay,” she said. “You always have me, even if everything else falls apart.”
“Thanks, Anna.”
She gave me a kiss on the head and walked out the door. I followed her, trying to keep a cheerful face on for the kids. I needed something more than a board game to distract me, so I turned on the Nintendo and pulled up Mario Party so the four of us could play together. At least it took my mind off the test for about an hour while I waited for Anna to get back.
When she walked in with arms full of Happy Meals, I breathed a sigh of relief. I took the “special” bag from her and rushed back to my room, telling the kids I needed to use the bathroom but would be right back.
I sat on my toilet staring at the test while I waited, but it didn’t take long. That second pink line showed up almost immediately. I took a second test, since the box had two, just to confirm, and it was also positive.
As if in slow motion, my mind wandered to an image I’d had for as long as I could remember—me, competing at the Olympics. But the image began to crackle, then embers began toburn in the corners before, eventually, the whole thing went up in smoke. My dreams were nothing but ash.
I cried for a few more minutes, since I had plenty of time before the tests should have been done. When I walked back out to the other room, I shook my head at Anna to say it was negative, and she breathed a sigh of relief. I hated lying to her, but I needed to figure out what I was doing, and I knew she would do everything in her power to help me, but I didn’t need that just yet.
What I needed was to talk to James, but I had no idea how. As I watched the kids and Anna scarf down their lunches, I resolved to wait to tell James. After all, there could be any number of reasons not to make an issue, but ultimately, I knew I was just scared.
And, even more than losing the Olympics, the thing I was most afraid of was losing him.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
James
The music in the Italian place was way too loud but that didn’t stop us from having fun and eating way too much. Having Haley around night and day was like living my twenties all over again in only the best ways, and it was clear when she spent time with the kids that they adored her.
Even Leann, who never liked anyone, could be seen holding onto Haley’s arm when she needed something, and I’d even caught them having little talks before bedtime in Leann’s room.
I tried not to go to the place of wondering when it was all going to go wrong, but it was so perfect that I knew we were headed for a test of some kind.
All major long-term relationships had them, and I was certain ours would be no exception.
