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“I mean Kevin bought it for me. You know we always talked about owning our own boutique one day. Well… now I do! And I want you to do it with me.”
“The store?”
“No, I want us to do what we said we’d do if we turned thirty and were still single,” she said sarcastically. “Yes, I mean the shop!”
I laughed despite the emotional agony I was in at the way our conversation was so normal for us, but it was happening in the midst of things that were so totally abnormal.
“What do you need me to do?” I asked, ready to be all in on this project with her.
She took me into the office and we started going over details of who would be in charge of what, and how we would go about getting things ordered and set up, as well as how we would run the grand opening.
By the time we left, it was already afternoon, and I was feeling a bit better about things. Even if I ended up a single mother, I had a direction that didn’t involve the sport I’d have to give up before too long. One that would allow me to support myself and a child.
As we left the store and Anna turned to lock it up, I saw a woman walk past with her baby strapped to her chest, carrying a large bag of things from the baby store across the way. I looked at the little girl who gazed up at me as she passed. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of green and her hair was the color of a sunset, and I felt my heart break in two as I thought about how my own child might look like that. Might look like their father.
“I hope you have a good fucking cellular provider, cause you’re gonna need it to get ahold of your baby daddy.”
I couldn’t believe James had said those things to me, to the point that I haven’t even allowed myself to relive that conversation yet, not even to tell Anna what he’d said. It hadbeen the most devastating moment of my life to hear those words from his mouth, to know how I felt about him, how much I’d trusted him, only to have him treat me like I was disposable.
I looked at my phone on the way back to the resort and was surprised to see close to a dozen notifications that James had tried to call, but I was done with that. He’d ruined it. I could never not hear him say those things to me. Hell, he probably wasn’t even calling about that. He probably just wanted someone to watch the kids.
When we got back to Brother Bear’s, though, I was feeling renewed and like there was nothing that could drag me down more than I already had been. And with nothing left to lose, suddenly a fear of skiing seemed ridiculous. I did some research and found out that it was perfectly safe for me to go skiing at this early stage, and so I decided I was finally going to do it. There was nothing that scared me as much as the road ahead of me now, and I was determined to overcome my fear of skiing once and for all.
I suited up and grabbed my gear, then headed out to the slopes, hoping to get a few runs in before sunset. I could ski into the night, but for now, I just wanted to prove to myself I could still do it.
I went out to one of the intermediate runs and rode the lift to the top. It felt like a million miles straight down when I stood at the top looking down at the hill. I could see the lines in the snow where others had braved this course, and I knew that it wasn’t even close to as hard as I was capable of.
At least, as hard as I was capable of before my leg got broken by an avalanche.
It took every ounce of bravery I had within me, but finally, after watching several other people go ahead of me, I built up the courage to push off.
The wind was so icy it was like fire against my cheeks, and I felt the thrill I’d always loved about skiing as I flew down the side of the hill, my skis moving from side to side as I slalomed with an ease I hadn’t expected after my injury. The muscles in my legs and core screamed, no longer used to these movements, but I didn’t care. The feeling of gliding over the snow with nothing there but me and my skis was second to none—even to some douchebag pretending to fall for me.
By the time I reached the bottom, I was giddy with excitement over finishing the run, and all but giggled at the knowledge that I’d overcome my fears.
But I wanted more.
I went up to the next level slope, riding the lift up and looking over the edge as it dropped me off. Max and I had done this one before the avalanche as a fun, easy run. Now, I was already feeling a bit tired and a part of me worried that I might not be at my best with my muscles and mind so fatigued, but I knew I’d regret it forever if I didn’t try.
I zipped down the slope, one of the higher-level intermediate runs, and actually laughed out loud when I went over one of the bigger jumps and landed it perfectly. The muscle memory was strong, and I silently cursed myself for not having done this sooner, for allowing myself to be ruled by fear.
This was what I needed. Skiing was fun. Skiing was freedom. Skiing was something that would always be there for me when I needed to clear my head or to think things through. I could let my body take over so my mind could work out what it needed to.
When I reached the bottom, I pulled off my skis and practically ran to the lifts for the advanced slopes. I knew I wasn’t ready to conquer a black diamond yet, but a blue square seemed within my grasp.
I stared up at the lift. The sun was just starting to set over the other side of the mountain, so it was darker than I mightnormally have liked for a run like this, but I didn’t care. The course was lit by large lamps at night, so I could easily see my way, despite the dark.
I pulled my skis back on and climbed into the lift, jittery with excitement about the upcoming run.. The higher I got, the more the sunset turned orange, then deep red, and the color reminded me so much of James and the baby I was currently pregnant with so much that I nearly started crying.
But I wasn’t going to do that. I was going to stay strong and I was going to have a fantastic run on this course.
At least, that was what I thought until I saw someone standing at the top of the mountain as the lift approached. The person was standing there, watching me as I dropped down onto the snow. He stepped forward, and my heart nearly stopped as James said, “Hi. I love you.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
James
“Hi,” I said. “I love you.”
