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It’s what you deserve.
I sleep like absolute shit. My mind doesn’t stop running, and I end up tossing and turning for a majority of the evening. By the time five a.m. rolls around, I call it a night and wake up. My head pounds, so I swallow a few pain relievers and get to work packing up my belongings before Lana wakes up. I focus on the task until it is complete, and my luggage looks about ready to pop.
My room appears the same way it did when I first arrived—empty and lacking any life. The only thing that sticks out is the photo I left behind on the bed.
Before I exit the bedroom, I check the drawers and closet for anything I might have missed. I nearly forgot the folded piece of yellow construction paper that I kept on top of my nightstand. With a shaky hand, I open Cami’s card one more time.
Get better, Cow-L.
I trace the curve of the wonky heart before tucking it away in my backpack. The door across from mine remains closed, so I shut mine softly behind me and take off toward Cami’s room on the other side of the house. There is no way I can’t say goodbye to her.
Lana might not like it, but I can’t go off to rehab letting her kid think I abandoned her. The thought of her thinking I disappeared without caring enough to say goodbye is a punishment I can’t bear taking.
Cami is curled into a ball underneath her covers, clutching her stuffed lamb to her chest. She looks so at peace compared to her usual wild self when she is awake.
The ache in my chest that hasn’t gone away since yesterday returns, stronger than ever before. Missing Cami will be inevitable. The kid has grown on me, and it feels like I’m leaving a piece of my heart behind with her.
You’ll be back.
I swallow past the thick lump in my throat and shake Cami awake. Merlin jumps off the bed with a hiss before darting underneath it.
“Cow-l?” she rasps. Her hair resembles an eighties’ hairspray commercial with the strands forming a helmet around her head.
“Hey.” My smile is weak at best, but I try my hardest to stay strong for her.
She blinks a few more times to rid the sleep from her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“I wanted to say bye.”
Her frown is instant. “Bye? Why?”
“I’m going away for a bit.”
“Where?”
I reach for my backpack and pull out the card. “Remember when I told you I was sick?”
She nods.
“I’m going to go see a doctor so that way I’m not sick anymore.”
Her small lips form a smallO.
I take her small hand in mine and give it a squeeze. “When I’m feeling better, I’ll come back for you and your mom.”
“How long will you be gone?” Her glassy eyes shred whatever last bit of dignity I have.
You can’t help hurting everyone you love.
It’s a curse I plan on breaking, but a curse nonetheless.
“I’m not sure how long I’ll be away.” It depends on a lot of different things, all of which have to do with me.
She shocks me as she launches herself into my arms and wraps hers around my neck with a tight squeeze. “I don’t want you to go.”
Between her and Lana, I’m not sure if my heart will make it through this week without being ripped to shreds.
I rub her back. “I know.”
