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A part of me wants to go with them. It’s a small part, but a part nonetheless, and it freaks me the fuck out. So I do what I do best.
I run.
I try my hardest to stick to sober activities like grabbing an early lunch at the sandwich shop and picking up a new book at the store, but nothing relieves the pressure in my chest.
The drive to one of the tourist bars on the other side of town is a blur—just like all the vodka tonics I drank afterward to numb my emotions.
So much for limiting yourself.
I tried my hardest, but I’m powerless when it comes to alcohol and controlling myself under extreme stress. It’s not until my vision is cloudy and my head is quiet that I finally feel at ease.
No more thoughts of Lana.
No more thoughts of Cami.
No more thoughts of what my life could have been like had I not fucked it all up six years ago.
Just me, the steady beat of the music streaming out of the speakers, and alcohol to cure my problems.
My world feels like someone tilted it at a forty-five-degree angle. I stumble out of the rideshare and manage to walk up the driveway of the house without falling on my face. It takes me three tries to get the front door unlocked. The house is pitch-black inside, and I trip over my own feet.
I run into a wall, except the wall is actually a table that teeters from my weight before falling backward. Whatever was on top of the wood surface shatters, the echo amplifying the horrific sound.
I wince. “Shit.” I stand there in the darkness, afraid what I might uncover if I turn on a light.
If I could evenfinda light.
As if the house read my mind, one turns on above me. Flowers of all colors, shapes, and sizes are strewn across the hardwood floor, surrounded by a thousand shards of glass.
“Oh my God.” Lana stands at the top of the stairs. “No. No. No.”
“Lana!” I shout. “I missed you!”
A man of subtlety, I am not.
Her look of shock morphs into one of anger. “Are you drunk?”
I shake my head. “Buzzed.”
“What are you even doing here? You’re supposed to be staying at the guesthouse.”
“I wanted to say hi.” I hold up my hand and wave like a complete loser.
She takes a deep breath. “Don’t move. Let me go put some shoes on before coming down there.”
“You got it, babe.” I salute her, which only earns me a death glare.
I’m not sure how long it takes her to get her sneakers on, but I stare at the wall, questioning how I ended up in this mess.
Lana. Cami. Graduation.
I smack my forehead. “Right. That’s how.”
“I can’t believe this right now.” Lana scowls as she walks down the stairs. It only deepens as she assesses the mess surrounding me.
I flinch. “I didn’t mean to break it.”
Her eyes glaze over, looking shiny underneath the chandelier. I hate the look on her face almost as much as the silence building between us as she analyzes the broken shards of glass.
