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Darius is sitting on the couch, his violin in his hands. His head is down, shoulders rounded.
“Cade caught a grouse,” I tell him, excited. “We’re going to eat well today.”
“Yeah? That’s great.”
Despite his words, his tone doesn’t sound like mine.
I pause. “Everything okay?”
He raises his eyebrows. “As it can be.”
“You’re missing home.”
“Am I? I’m not even sure I know where home is.”
I think back. “Didn’t Reed say you have a house in Maine?”
He gives a strange chuckle. “Yeah, we might own a house there, but I couldn’t tell you when we last went back to it. It’s just a roof and four walls, no different than staying in yet another hotel room. I don’t have any kind of attachment to the place.”
“I’m sorry,” I say.
I remember the water I’m supposed to be putting on the stove for Cade. He’s in a good mood, for once, and I don’t want to piss him off.
“What about you?” Darius asks. “Do you miss home?”
The largest pan is already filled with water, and I carry it over to the stove.
“Honestly, I’m not really sure. The trailer is the only place I ever lived, but I never felt about it the way people are supposed to think about their homes. I didn’t ever go home expecting to find a sanctuary or comfort or even love.”
“Your mother didn’t love you?”
I chew my lower lip. “She probably did, in her own way, but she didn’t know how to show it.”
“But you loved her?”
I swallow past the emotion that suddenly forms in a painful ball in my throat. “Yeah, I did.”
We wait as the water heats, and then carry it outside to the porch. Reed has been gathering more firewood, and he appears with his arms full of sticks.
“What’s going on?”
Cade holds up the carcass, the feathers bloodied and matted. “I caught this. I just gutted the bird away from the cabin. I didn’t want it to attract any wildlife.”
Reed grins and smacks his son on the shoulder. “Good work.”
“I think I’ve figured out a trapping system now,” he says. “I found some string, and I’ve been testing different knots. Looks like we won’t starve after all.”
He dunks the bird in the water, and then plucks it. Then we take it back into the cabin, and he roasts it on the fire. It smells incredible, and my mouth waters. When it’s ready, Cade shares it out equally between us.
I push my portion back at him. “You three are bigger than me. You should get more.”
He doesn’t take it. “No way. We might be bigger, but that means we can afford to lose more weight. There’s barely anything left of you.”
I wait for Reed or Darius to protest, but they don’t say a word. They’re too busy digging into their own food.
“Thanks,” I say.
I am starving, and I’m grateful for the meal. My mouth is watering so much I think I might actually drool. I lift the chunk of hot meat to my mouth and take a huge bite. The meat is darker than chicken, a bit more like duck, only nowhere near as fatty. As I chew and swallow, and then take another bite, I’d swear I can feel the energy returning to me, like I’m coming back to life.
