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I can feel her in my arms, sighing her pleasure, surrendering her body to me.
The memories are sweetness and torture, like all my thoughts of her. I imagine her surrounded by the art she loves, and that makes me smile. I imagine her sharing that art with someone else and an acute ache spreads all over my chest.
A paralyzing ache.
Of course, she’ll meet someone else and move on. She’s perfect, beautiful, funny, and intelligent…with plans of her own that don’t involve pining after someone who already made the mistake of letting her go.
For the next few hours, I attack my work with rabid energy, trying to purge my loneliness and longing from my mind. When my phone rings again, I’m relieved to have something else to receive my focus, because my work is clearly not enough to turn my thoughts from Cora.
This time, Nick’s name is flashing on my screen. I connect the call. “Word on the street is that you’re the hottest property in Silicon Valley,” he teases. He’s back in New York, making plans to refurbish a mixed-use block in Hell’s Kitchen.
“Maybe I am,” I reply, trying to match his lighthearted tone. “Everyone wants a piece of this awesomeness.”
Nick laughs. “My sources say angel investors are on their hands and knees begging you to take their money.”
I chuckle at the thought. “I wouldn’t call it begging.” I’m restricting investor money because I’m mostly funding this new venture myself. I prefer the freedom to work without numerous investors looking over my shoulder.
“The entire world is waking up to the fact that you’re a genius,” Nick says. “Work hard, my friend, conquer the world, so in future I can say I knew you back when.” He pauses for a moment. “I’m going back to Italy in a week or so. I thought I would call Cora. Maybe hook up. Just wanted to give you a heads up.”
My fingers clench, and suddenly it feels as if my head is bursting into flames. “Nick…”
He’s laughing again, cackling like a comic book character. “I’m kidding. I’m kidding,” he says, breathless with amusement. “God, I can feel your rage through the phone.”
I take a calming breath. “It’s not even funny.”
He stops laughing. “Obviously, you’re still very much into her.”
I am. “I’d rather not talk about it.”
He ignores me. “Why not?” Now his voice turns serious. “What exactly is the problem?”
“Apart from the distance? We both had plans before we met. I have a company that could crash and burn any moment into which I have put every single dime I own. A company that requires possibly the next five years of my life. Right now, I’m not relationship material.” I laugh sourly. “I can’t remember the last time I showered.”
Nick sniffs loudly. “I knew I could smell something,” he says. “Seriously though, I think you’re selling yourself short and letting inconsequential things determine your choices. If you both want to make it work, you can. I’ve never known you to care so much for anything outside of your work…and Maddie, so I’m going to go out on a limb and say she’s probably very special.”
She is special. Just thinking about her makes me feel like the chaos of work doesn’t matter.
When I don’t reply, Nick continues. “I don’t know, man. If I had that kind of connection to anyone, I would at least try.”
I think about that long after the call ends. I have a few meetings, look at some resumes, resolve a bug… but at the back of my mind, Cora’s name hovers like a message in the sky. Her face, the memory of her lips on mine, her sweet smile and laugh.
I don’t want to be without her.
Nick is right.
I should at least try.
I’d never doubted that she was worth fighting for, but somehow, without even trying, I’d decided that I couldn’t win the fight.
That’s not who I am. I’m not someone who anticipates failure and quits. I’m a fighter.
My mind made up, I place a call to Evan, my office manager. A few moments later, he walks into my office. He’s tall and thin, with the body of a faithful tennis player, short silver hair, and sharp eyes. He’s done a great job managing operations so far, and despite my suspicion for suits with no technical knowledge, I like him.
“I’m going to need to make a quick trip,” I tell him.
“A trip?”
I nod. “I need you to shift meetings around.”
