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By the time I got back to the house it was late, my feet were sore in the best way, and I smiled as I opened the door.
It was quiet, and I assumed everyone was sleeping, so I removed my shoes as to not make noise and disturb anyone. Everything echoed in these hallways. I was about to take a step when I heard clinking, like ice against crystal.
That was when I noticed a dim light on in the library. I crept over and peered through the sliver of an opening. There I saw Ben sitting in a wingback chair. He had on black dress pants and a white shirt that was halfway unbuttoned. A tumbler of amber liquid dangled between his fingers. The fire was lit and the glow flickered over his distraught features as he sat staring into the flames.
I opened the door more and stepped into the room. “Hey.”
He lifted his gaze from the fire but other than that there was no move to greet or welcome me.
“It’s real late, I’m surprised anyone is up.” I sat in the loveseat beside him and placed my shoes on the floor. “Everything okay?”
“You should go to bed,” was all he said and poured the rest of his drink down his throat.
There was no chance I was leaving Ben alone to wallow in whatever was haunting him. “Nah, I’m more of a night owl anyway. Whatcha drinking?” I stood and went over to the small bar in the corner.
“I’m not in the mood for company, Crew. I wish to be alone.”
“Whiskey you say? Sounds good.” I grabbed the already open bottle on the bar and poured two tumblers.
“You’re obnoxious.” Ben sat up a little and placed his empty glass down a little too hard on the table. “You enter a lot of rooms you weren’t invited into.”
That should’ve stung, but the man was hurting and I didn’t think that was his intention.
“My mom used to tell me I was everywhere all the time too.” I walked over and handed him a drink. “But we are who we are, right?”
He took the glass but didn’t sip it. “Tell me something, Crew…” His words slurred a bit, and I wondered exactly how many he’d had and why he was drinking in the first place.
“What’s that?” I sat back on the loveseat.
“Have you ever lost everything you loved? Wanted to disappear but for some reason you kept going, unable to figure out why?”
That was a deep question and I had a feeling he was seeking some sort of validation. However, I answered honestly. “No.”
“No?” His eyes widened. “Your life’s been rainbows and unicorns?” He jerked his hand a little too fast and some whiskey jumped out onto the carpet, but Ben didn’t notice.
“I was raised by a single mom, I told you that. Sure, we had hard times but nothing that ever felt world ending. We’re all living our lives the best way we can.”
He nodded, eyes fixated on the drink. “I have…lost everything. I…I had everything, then nothing.”
I sat in silence, terrified if I said anything, he’d stop talking. He was hurting. He was like an infected wound, desperately in need of healing.
“I was married…I never thought I could love someone so much it made my heart ache by simply thinking her name. We had a house, later came one child then two. We even had a dog…Flip.” He chuckled wetly, and when he sniffed I knew he was feeling everything.
“Leslie knew I was bisexual, always did, and we even brought partners in sometimes. The kids would stay with her parents, we’d do our thing. God, it kept our marriage alive. But then we’d have quiet nights, her and I. I’d have given her the world.”
He swiped a hand across his cheek. “Her boss, he…he wasn’t a good man but he was smitten with Leslie. Attracted to her but he told her he honored her marriage. She felt uncomfortable after a while when he became bolder. Found ways to be in her space, a lingering touch on the shoulder, asking her for a drink after work. Every day he seemed to escalate. She finally decided to talk to him, ask him to stop.”
Ben got up, glass still in hand, and began to pace. “I should have gone to the office with her that night. But I was with the kids. When she came home she was…broken, like something happened and I didn’t know what. I asked, she said he got angry but nothing more.”
Shit, this wasn’t going to end well. I knew that.
“Leslie took a week off work, stayed in bed. I knew something was wrong. I dropped the kids at school and went to speak to her boss.” He leaned against the fireplace mantle and stared at the flames.
“When he saw me he grinned, the kind that said he knew why I was there. He went on about how she begged him to…you know. I knew Leslie, she wasn’t that kind of person.”
Tears slid down his cheeks, eyes hollow. “I said I’d end his life that day and he laughed. He knew no one could touch him. So, I went to the press. Leslie stood beside me and I held her as she filed police reports, told her story. His life was ruined. She was so brave.”
He hiccupped and sobbed for a moment before sniffing and continuing. “I thought it was over, he’d go to jail or something, and we’d move on. Leslie got a new job, we were good. Then I went on a business trip. Left her with the kids.”
