Page 60 of The Husband Hoax


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“Yes. That. Émile. He’s my … Émile.”

Agatha’s eyes soften. “It’s so wonderful to meet you, darling boy.” Then her gaze snaps back to the man beside me. “You’re bottom of the list now. You’ll be lucky to even make it into the will.”

“I thought Seven was bottom of the list?” Christian asks.

Agatha sniffs haughtily. “He was. Until this. You have no idea the pain you’ve inflicted on a helpless old lady.”

“Seven’s ranking at second now,” another voice says before Gabe passes Agatha and joins us in the bedroom. “He helped with her groceries yesterday.”

“He’ssucha good boy.”

Christianhmphs. “You weren’t saying that when his music kept you up half the night.”

“Maybe I’m becoming a fan of BDSM.”

Christian buries his face in his hands, ears going pink.

“I’m sorry, what?” I ask, living for this glorious conversation.

“She means EDM,” Gabe explains, glee lacing his voice. “But it’s more fun not to correct her.”

“At the risk of sounding impolite, Agatha is your … aunt?”

“She lives next door,” Gabe explains. “And is always sticking her nose into our business.”

“Christian, you’re back in the will, Gabriel’s out.”

Christian sends an angelic look at Gabe who flips him off in return.

“With the number of times you change this will of yours, there’ll be no money left to leave people,” Gabe points out.

“Ungrateful little turd. That’s the last time I make chicken soup for you when you’re sick. Not that I’ll be able to do that anyway, once you’ve—”

Gabe’s face pales and he hurries to wrap his arms around Agatha. “You know I’m only playing. I love you. We all do.”

Christian rests his hands dramatically over his chest. “We’d be nothing without you.”

The harsh lines in her face soften. “That’s better. Now. I want to hear all about your Émile.”

Oh no. I may not have many limits, but apparently I’ve found one. We’re not strictly naked, but sitting around in my briefs,telling an old lady how I met the fake love of my life is where I draw the line.

Especially when I’d rather be wrapped back around his body like I was when I’d woken up.

“Why don’t we meet them downstairs?” Gabe suggests, trying to steer her from the room, but before they can reach the doorway, another man bursts inside. He’s got blue hair, pale skin, and a smear of paint by his ear.

“I need to borrow your watch.” He barrels across the room, pulls open Christian’s nightstand and starts searching through the drawer.

“Is that a dildo, Christian?” Agatha asks. “I can’t see you having use for that when you’ve got a dashing gentleman right beside you.”

“No!” He shoves the drawer closed, blush seeping down into his bare chest. “Jesus, Xander. Go and borrow Seven’s.”

“I tried. The battery’s dead.” Xander presses one hand to his chest, taking a deep breath that he holds for a beat, before letting it all out again. “My heart rate has been high all morning and now …” He does the breath thing again. “It hurts. I think … I think I might be having a heart attack.”

“Holy shit.” I grab my phone, ready to call emergency, when Christian places a hand over mine.

“Sure it’s not indigestion again?”

“I … I don’t know.”

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