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She gives me a sad smile. “Honestly, I don’t know what I am.”
“I’ll tell you what I see. I see a beautiful, brave woman who struck out on her own even though she was drowning in sorrow. I see a wonderful mother who would do anything for her son. I see a loving, giving babygirl who is bravely trying to reconnect with that part of herself.”
“You sure do see a lot.”
I lean in and kiss her forehead. “I see everything when it comes to you.”
She doesn’t respond, instead, she lays her head on my shoulder and holds onto me. I hold her right back, willing her to see herself how I see her. Addy falls asleep in my arms, exhausted from her emotional breakdown. I carefully stand with her and lie down on the bed, wrapping her up in my embrace.
Even in sleep, she clings to me. I stroke her hair as she sleeps and think about everything she disclosed. She’s already had one great love in her life and is still grieving the loss. My doubts about if I can be the man she needs come bubbling up to the surface. I’m new to this boyfriend thing and honestly don’t know if I’m cut out for it. I’m running on pure instinct right now. I push aside my worries and hold her a little bit tighter.
The night didn’t turn out quite like I planned, but I can’t say I’m disappointed by it. Addy finally opened up to me and bared her soul to me. I feel closer to her than ever before. Now I just have to make sure I’m worthy of everything she has to offer.
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
Addy
I wokeup in Axel’s arms feeling drained and laid bare. All of my walls came down with him, and I don’t know how I feel about that. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little angry over the situation. He manipulated me to get me to open up. I should feel better knowing there aren’t any more secrets between us, but I don’t.
I spent hours crying on Axel over William last night, and I feel nothing but guilt over it. He just held me and let me cry and said all the right things to make me feel better about it… but I don’t.
Marsha knew that something had gone terribly wrong with our date as soon as I walked in. I blurted out the whole mess, and she just hugged me and let me vent. When I told her I needed to end things with Axel, she told me to wait and just think about it. That I was in a bad place emotionally and shouldn’t make any rash decisions until I’d had time to calm down.
Well, it’s the next morning, and I am calm. Well, calmer, anyway. My emotions are still all over the place, but I feel like I’m in my right mind again. Not completely overwhelmed like I was last night.
After a sleepless night and a whole lot of thinking, I’ve decided that I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m still too stuck in my grief over William, and Axel deserves better than someone who is grieving another man. I’ve been fooling myself all these months that I’ve been in Monett. I might be stronger in some ways, but when it comes to William, I’m still just as big of a mess as I always was.
My phone rings, and a spike of anxiety hits me at the thought of it being Axel. I might’ve made the decision to end it with him, but I’m not ready to do the deed yet. I need more time. I grab my phone and let out a sigh of relief when I see that it’s Pelar.
“Hello.”
“I heard a rumor that your parents are going on vacation to a quaint little B&B in Monett… Why didn’t you tell me they are visiting?”
I let out a sigh at the reminder. I had almost pushed the visit out of my mind. “Ugh. Don’t remind me.”
“I take it we aren’t thrilled about it?”
“You know how my mom has been since I moved. She’s impossible. I’m happy that Henry will get to spend some time with them. I know he misses them, but at the same time, I’m dreading it.”
“I’m sure she will behave herself for Henry’s sake…”
I snort a laugh at that. “She’s the queen of passive-aggressive put-downs these days.”
“That is true. At least you’ll get to see your dad.”
“I know. I am looking forward to that. He’s been my biggest cheerleader.”
“Hey, now. That job is already taken by me,” she argues.
“You’re both my cheerleaders, and I love you for it.”
“I love you too, girl. So tell me what else is going on. Are you still talking with that guy you met at the club?” she asks.
And that’s when I burst into tears yet again.
“Holy shit, girl. What the hell?”
“It’s nothing,” I say between sobs.
