AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“William is gone. You don’t have to live your whole life grieving for him. You deserve happiness.”
It feels like a betrayal to let go of my grief. William was my first love… my first everything. How can I just let him go? It doesn’t seem fair that I should be allowed to just move on with my life when he’s dead and gone.
Shouldn’t someone be mourning his loss?
I pick up my phone and call Pelar. She’s been texting me for days, and I’ve been avoiding her.
“It’s about damn time that you call me,” she says, sounding pissy.
“Sorry. I’ve just been going through a lot.”
“I take it your parent's little visit didn’t go well.”
I snort a laugh. “It was definitely a rollercoaster.”
“Do tell…”
I start from the beginning and tell her the whole sordid tale. She gasps and grumbles along with me.
“She actually apologized?” Pelar says in a shocked voice.
“Yep. And dad stood up to her.”
“I’m sorry I missed that.”
I laugh. “It was ugly, but the end of their visit was much better. Mom stopped with her little jabs and was actually pleasant towards me.”
“Well, that’s good. And don’t think I’m going to let the whole roses thing go. I can’t believe Axel sent you flowers for your birthday.”
“He definitely doesn’t know how to give up,” I say.
“Remind me why you dumped him again? Because he seems like a pretty good guy from where I’m sitting.”
“Pelar. I’m a fucking mess. I can’t give Axel what he needs. He deserves so much better than a broken-hearted widow with a kid.”
“Addy. That’s not the sum of who you are. Yes, you’re a widow. Yes, losing William broke your heart. Yes, you’re a mom. Those are all true, but you’re also a woman who deserves to be happy. You don’t have to be sad forever just because your husband died.”
“Have you been talking to my dad?” I ask. “Because he said something along those lines.”
“Seriously, Addy. Do you have feelings for Axel?”
“More than I think I should.”
“Then why are you holding yourself back?” she asks.
I run my hand through my messy hair and let out a slow breath. “I’m wracked with guilt every day of my life. Guilt because William is gone, and I’m here. Guilt because Henry will never know his father. Guilt that I moved Henry away from everything he knew. Guilt that I’m falling for another man while I’m still mourning my dead husband.”
“Let go of that guilt. It’s all unfounded. You’ve done absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.”
“I wish it were that easy.”
“Isn’t it, though? You’ve already survived the hard parts.”
She’s not wrong. I have already survived the worst of it. “But what happens if Axel and I don’t work out? What if I lose him too?”
“Oh, honey. You can’t live your life stressing about what-ifs. You know better than most that life can change in a blink. Would you trade the years you had with William away just so you could’ve avoided the heartbreak of losing him?”
I swallow back my tears. “No. I wouldn’t change a thing about my life with him.”
