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“What do you miss the most?” He tilts his head and squints at the ceiling while he puts some thought into my question.
“I miss my army men.”
“You could have told me that, bud. I can get you more army men. Do you want to go do that this weekend?” He gives me a smile and nods his head enthusiastically. His grin is infectious, and I can’t help but smile back at him. “What else do you miss?”
“I had a night-light. It was a big circle like a ball and when you turned it on it made the ceiling look like the sky outside with stars and everything.” And suddenly, I want to kick my own ass. I’m completely failing at this parenting thing. He doesn’t have a night-light right now, he never asked for one. I just figured he didn’t need it. He’s never said anything to me before. No wonder he keeps having nightmares. I mean, some are going to be unavoidable with what he’s gone through, but a night light would have probably helped. I always leave the door to his room cracked open but that’s not the same.
“We’ll get you one of those too. You can pick out any one you want.” He smiles at me again and it makes my heart hurt. I point over to the lamp that’s sitting across the living room. “How about we put that by your bed until we can go get one?”
“Okay.”
I almost don’t want to ask again but I know I should. “Is there anything else you’re missing?” This time he looks away from me and starts kicking his feet against the couch. “You know you can tell me anything Oliver, right?”
He’s still not looking at me when I hear his little voice say, “I miss my mom.” The air leaves my body in a whoosh. This is the first time in six months he’s even mentioned Molly. From what I could see, she certainly wasn’t mother of the year but I’m sure Oliver loved her. She was his mom after all. His only parent. I searched for a father when all this went down but there wasn’t one listed on the birth certificate. She was in so deep with thedrugs and prostitution that she probably didn’t even know who his father was.
“It’s okay to miss her. I miss her too.” That’s true. I miss the little girl she was before our dad died and my mom stopped caring about anything but him. When I let myself think about it, it feels like my heart is cracking in two. She was so happy and bubbly as a child. She was smart as a whip too. I remember my parents always bragging about her report card and ribbing me for not living up to the high standards my little sister was setting. But I don’t miss who she became later in life. I try not to think about that.
“Do you know what you can do when you miss someone a whole lot?” I ask him.
“What?”
“You can think about all the good times you had together. How happy you were when you were with each other. Then it’s like she’s right here with you.”
Oliver gives me a frown and I can see tears forming in his eyes. I sling my arm over his shoulders and pull him into my side.
“But she’s not here with me, Uncle Car. She’s gone.”
“You’re right, she’s up in heaven. But you know what happens every time you think good thoughts about her?” I take my hand and put it onto his chest, overlapping his tiny beating heart. “Every good thought goes right in here and that’s where she stays. In your heart.” Tiny arms are thrown around my neck and he’s practically hanging off my body while giving me a hug. I’m so surprised that it takes me a second before I wrap my arms back around him and hold him close to me.
“I love you so much.” I whisper into his hair. He doesn’t respond and I don’t really expect him to. He hasn’t told me he loves me yet and I get it, to him I’m just some stranger that took him away from his home. That doesn’t matter to me. I take everyopportunity I have to tell him I love him. I’m not going to leave things left unsaid with him like I did with the rest of my family.
A few hours later we’ve had dinner and I’m washing up in the kitchen while Oliver is laying on the floor in the living room with the pad of paper Bianca gave him. I’ve been watching him out of the corner of my eye and it looks like he’s quickly making his way through it. He’s filling page after page. I can’t really make out exactly what he’s drawing from here, but I know that a new sketchpad and a truck load of other art supplies are also going to be on the list of things we need to buy this weekend. Maybe I’ll pick up an extra one and give it to Bianca to replace the one she gave Oliver. It can be like an olive branch. Then maybe we can talk for three whole minutes without biting each other’s heads off.
I smile to myself now that I have a plan to see her again. After that moment we had in her backyard, I’ve decided I’m going to peruse this connection I felt. Though I’m not sure if I want to date her or if I just want her in my bed. After all, it’s not just me anymore. I can’t go bringing someone into Oliver’s life just for us to break-up and have her disappear. Maybe we can have some discreet fun between the sheets to get her out of my system. That is, if I can get her to give me the time of day. The only problem is that I have a sinking suspicion a few nights with Bianca won’t be enough.
It’s a few hours later that I send Oliver off to start his nightly routine when I grab the stack of mail that I’d forgotten about. Most of it is advertisements, a few letters on my 401k with the LAPD, and one letter for the previous occupants that I’m going to have to return to sender. The very last envelope makes me frown. It’s a plain white envelope with no stamp and no return address. In fact, the only thing written across the front is my name, meaning it was obviously hand delivered.
Maybe it’s a note from one of the neighbors. Maybe it’s from Bianca. A small smile pulls up the corners of my lips as I think of her writing me a little note. I wonder if it will be sassy or sweet. Will it be telling me I shouldn’t be such an asshole in front of Oliver or will it be a call for a truce?
Smile still firmly planted on my face, I open it up and pull out the single sheet of paper that’s been folded over three times. My smile immediately fades and turns into a full-on frown when I read the words that are block printed across the page.
YOU RUINED MY LIFE. YOU TOOK MY FAMILY.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? It's almost like something a man would send to the person who stole his wife or something. Well, that’s unequivocally not me. It’s been so long since I’ve been in a relationship, I can barely remember her name. But she definitely wasn’t married.
It could have something to do with being a cop, but I’ve been on the job here less than a month. I certainly haven’t pissed someone off to the point of leaving me cryptic notes at my home. I’d like to think the entire thing was a mistake but there’s my name, written clear as day on the envelope. It’s not a threat exactly, though it does border on creepy.
For a second, I consider bringing it into the station and handing it off to one of our forensic experts to see what they can make of it but decide against it. There’s no real threat here and I know I haven’t earned enough favors yet to be asking techs to work on personal things for me. With any luck, this will be the last time I get a letter like this. I take the note and envelope into the kitchen and fish out a gallon size zip lock bad, sliding them both inside and sealing it. It doesn’t hurt to hold onto them and preserve any evidence just in case I end up needing it.
***
By the time we get home from shopping on Saturday I’m anxious to head over to Bianca’s. Oliver picked out a sketchpad to replace the one she gave him and I want to get those recommendations on art classes. I’m not going to lie, I’m also looking forward to having a civil conversation with her for once. Fingers crossed.
But when we get home I see a man in a rumpled suit sitting on the porch of her house. I want to stomp over there and demand to know what the hell he thinks he’s doing, but the last time I did that it was just her dad waiting for her to get home, even if he did seem a little cagey about the whole thing.
As I’m fixing lunch for Oliver, I keep glancing out the window at the rather dejected looking man. Shit, maybe she has a boyfriend. Why hadn’t I ever considered that? Though wouldn’t he be waiting inside for her if he was? Is it some ex-boyfriend? Is he bothering her? He certainly looks like he’s been settled in there for quite a while.
I know that I’m feeling irrationally jealous over a woman I barely know, but I can’t help it. Besides, I’m just worried about her safety. It is my job after all.
