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“This isn’t funny,” I whined, still clinging to my mad because it beat the warmth that rose within me as I stared at Ren’s picture.
Jesus, she’s so cute, I thought, sighing with a resigned sense of defeat that I was willing to admit it.
“It really is. Even you can’t deny it’s amusing, and I hate to tell you this, but she was right. She does grow on you.”
“Like a fungus.” Cole laughed, making me snort before I schooled my features and scowled.
“You gonna take care of this, or should I drive into town?” I asked.
“Bro, there’s really no fucking need. I bet those bitches won’t ever start shit with Ren again.” Trey murmured, his expression filled with so much tenderness that it reminded me of how we once were.
A long time ago.
“Especially not when they realize she’s ours. Our family.” Cole said softly, grinning when I ignored him and turned sharply, walking away without greeting.
It was true, though. She was ours.
But not mine, I reminded myself as I took the porch at a leap and practically ran into the kitchen, unwilling to admit I couldn’t stand to be away from Ren for more than a few moments.
Ren Sheppard couldn’t be anything to me. We were friends, and she worked for me, and that was all we would ever be to each other. To think of anything more, to let myself feel anything, was a bad idea, and yet, I was smiling as I all but ran back to her and retook my seat to watch her bustle around.
That smile, just being near her, was pure magic, and no matter how much I told myself I didn’t feel something, I was starting to think I was full of shit. I sure as hell had to be when she looked at me, and instead of wanting to run, I smiled back and felt myself settle.
“You okay?” she asked, turning from the stove to smile sweetly while my emotions roiled, deep and unsettled.
No, not really. I wasn’t okay at all, and I didn’t know how to deal with that.
Chapter 11 Ren
Just another day at work in the basement, folding clothes, and I was fine, I told myself, hoping it was true. In reality, I wasn’t fine, and it wasn’t only because I was pissed at Caleb. Oh no, I had other fish to fry on top of my emotional stewing, and thinking about Caleb only made this particular problem worse.
“A few more hours.” I gasped, my head splitting, my body aching and so hot, I felt like I was burning up from the inside out.
Ignoring the sickness and cursing my body to hell, I kept folding clothes and trying to ward off thoughts. I didn’t want to think today, not when I’d just gotten my period and not when I was so emotionally raw it was hard to keep the tears at bay.
Ever since the morning I was attacked at the grocery store, Caleb and I had been…I didn’t know. He was around, but he seemed to be…not avoiding me, but pulling away from our fledgling friendship a little. Dealing with that hadn’t been easy, and the last thing I needed on top of my feelings about Caleb was to start my period. Menstruation was always awful for me, ever since—
“No!” I hissed, my eyes filling with tears as memories sprang up.
Oh honey, avoiding it won’t solve anything.
Sighing, I agreed with my inner voice, even if it was hard to accept. If I thought about why my period killed me every month and why I felt this way, and just why, I’d break down and sob so hard I wouldn’t be able to stop.
You lost your baby, Ren, and it’s made your body even more determined to breed. Don’t avoid the truth. Let it all out, and then let yourself heal.
“What are you, Dr. Phil!” I snarled, trying to start an argument because it beat where she was going with this.
Babe, don’t be an asshole. It hurt me too, ya know. I was there when Shane locked you in the bedroom of that shitty trailer and nearly starved you for a week. I was there when your lips and throat were so dry it hurt to breathe, and I was there when the bleeding started, and we lost Peanut. It hurt us all.
“I don’t wanna talk about this!”
Well, we do. Tell her, Wolfy. Tell her we also have feelings.
I sniffed, guilt eating at me because I’d never considered what losing the baby did to my other side. Thinking about it now, I realized just how much it must have hurt her when I miscarried.
I was sorry now and guilty as hell. But that didn’t mean I was ready to have some deep emotional moment and revisit the heartache. I just couldn’t. Not even to apologize to my wolf for overlooking her part in everything.
“It wasn’t even really a baby yet,” I whispered, my eyes burning with fresh tears because that didn’t make me feel any better.
