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He drops his head, agitated. “Just let it be.”
“No, I won’t justlet it be.” I walk closer, minimizing the gap between us. “Why do you want to die so badly?”
He turns to me. “What is there to live for? You’ve seen my world. It’s cruel, and I didn’t sign up for any of this shit.”
“Sure, it’s cruel, but you clearly bring order to it. If you go, who else will do it?
“There are plenty of people out there who can do a much better job than I can.”
“There may be, but right now it’syou. You’re the one in charge. You’re the one who can make the differences.”
“I’m not in charge by choice. This role isn’t something I went after. It was shoved into my hands.”
I let his words marinate before walking around him. I stand in front of him and start to reach for his hands, but he stops me, clasping my wrists and holding them in the air.
“There’s only so much I can take,” he rasps.
“Do you mean of my touch?”
His eyes roam my face. “It doesn’t feel like the others.”
My head tilts. “How do you mean?”
“I mean…it doesn’t…burnlike the others. Doesn’t hurt.”
“No? So what does it feel like?”
His mouth twitches, and he strokes the flesh inside my wrists with the pads of his thumbs. I don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it as he looks into my eyes, trying to find the answer. Or maybe he won’t answer me at all. Either way, I wait.
I don’t understand…
“Understand what?”
He frowns and releases my wrists. “Get out of my head.”
“I can’t help what I hear. Tell me what you don’t understand.”
He sighs, a pained expression taking over his face. “I don’t understand how it’s all so different with you. It’s as if my whole life has been a lie after meeting you.”
“The Tether, apparently,” I say, laughing a little. “That’s what makes it different.”
He looks like he wants to laugh, but he doesn’t. Still, his eyes are lighter, his features not so heavy and somber.
“It’s far too easy.” He grabs my hands again, this time entwining our fingers. As he does, he brings me in closer until our bodies collide.
“What’s wrong with it being easy?” I raise my chin, angling my lips. I want his lips again.
“Nothing in my life is ever this easy. What if Idodie because you were too stubborn to listen?”
“Then we find a way to prevent that before it happens.”
“And if there’s no way?”
“Then…if you die, I die, and we go together.”
My words seem like a slap to his face because he winces, but our eyes hold.
“You don’t need your red pills,” I whisper.
