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I feel Caz looking at me, but I don’t want to face him right now.
“When you think about him, your heart aches.”
“It’s the same when you think about your mom.”
He tilts his head slightly and shifts on his feet.
“Look at us,” he sighs. “Two damaged people from two different worlds, with one major thing in common.”
“What’s that?”
“We’re lonely in heart.”
I reach for his hand again, wrapping mine around it. “Why are we this way?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Perhaps that’s how this Tether works. Without you around, things were different.” He pauses. “I can’t explain it, but life felt emptier before. But now that you’re here, I feel like I have purpose. I’ve been given a reason to keep fighting.” His eyes find mine. “I’m certain that reason is so that I can protect you.”
I squeeze his hand, and he lifts it in the air, spreading his fingers apart with mine. The pads of our fingers press together, a delicate touch, as he moves in closer, his mouth coming to my forehead.
“I feel safe here,” he murmurs.
“Me too.”
“I don’t think we should ever leave.”
I huff a laugh. “I don’t think that’s possible. Your family is looking for you.”
“Eh. Let them keep looking. They’ll be all right.”
I tip my chin, smiling up at him.
“Your brother,” he starts, dropping our hands again. “What happened to him?”
I start to look away, but he clasps my chin, keeping my head up. “Why can’t you look at me when you talk about him?”
My emotions swirl into a hurricane. I want to cry at the thought, but I also want to be angry. Whycan’tI talk about Warren? Why does it hurt so badly? There are many factors, truly, but I suppose I’ve never cared to address them. Instead, I choose to ignore it and act like nothing ever happened. Hell,I don’t even have pictures of him in my apartment because seeing him hurts, and I don’t want anyone asking me who he is. It’s been easier to pretend he didn’t exist, but deep inside, it’s impossible to pretend when that person was your twin. Someone you shared a womb and every birthday with.
As if Caz can feel the cocktail of emotion brewing inside me, he strokes my chin with his fingers. I release a breath and pull away from him, focusing on a thick log not too far away, by the fence. I walk over to sit on it, and Caz watches me a moment before joining me. Crickets chirp, and a cool breeze floats by that smells of salt, a reminder that an ocean is nearby.
“The truth is that I don’t talk about him much, with anyone.”
“Your memories of him bring you pain?” he asks.
“Yes…and no.” I twist my lips. “The memories from when we were kids, those bring me joy, of course. It’s just…there are so many questions and things left unanswered about his death. I try to block it all out and distract myself with working, or men who think they can control me, because it’s better than being alone and constantly thinking about it. I’d drive myself crazy with all the what ifs and wondering.”
Caz nods, then frowns. “Who’s trying to control you? That Garrett fucker you’re always thinking about?”
I nod reluctantly.
“Has he hurt you?”
I press my lips, nodding again, and Caz clenches the fist on his lap. “I’ll kill him.”
“How?” I laugh. “He’s in a whole other world.”
“I’m sure there’s a way to get there. I’ll find a way, believe me.”
I huff a laugh. “Garrett is a conversation for another time.”
