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“Yeah let's go get this shit over with.”
With that sentiment, I walk out, leaving my heart on an island waiting for me to return.
TEN
CATRIONA
“So when are you due,”Kimbella asks me, as she switches her baby to her other breast. I look at her in admiration. She has a four-year-old son named CJ, twin three-year-old girls named Maven and Haven, a one-year-old named Lucy, and a newborn baby boy named Serge. I have no damn clue how she does this, but I definitely need to read whatever book she reads.
“I don’t know. I am only six weeks.” I tell them feeling a bit out of place. I have never really had to interact with babies before except for my best friend Aurora’s siblings when we were growing up.
“Oh my gosh. I love being pregnant. I mean morning sickness aside; I love everything about being pregnant. As you can see.” Saffron says cradling her baby bump. She also has quite a few. She has a four-year-old named Lois and a two-year-old named Axel Junior.
“Oh well, I don’t know if I love it as much as my husband loves knocking me up.” Teresa says. She has four-year-old twins Sara and Samuel, two-year-old Ella and a one year named Odus. “Are you excited?” she continues.
“To be honest, not really. I never planned on babies or having a family to be honest. This sort of took me by surprise. So I think I am still processing.” Might as well be honest.
“I understand that. Not everyone wants to be mommy and that is okay. Have you considered adoption?” Teresa asks. I don’t hear judgment in her voice, so it helps to relieve some of the guilt.
“Yes. Actually, before Callum found out, I had contemplated having an abortion but when it came to do it, I couldn’t. So, I was leaning toward adoption. Then, I started bleeding and all I could think was this was my punishment for not considering keeping it. Now, as scared as I am, I can’t imagine anything else. I just… I am just not sure if I would be good at it.” They all nod their heads.
Out of the blue, Kimbella gets up, and lays her tiny baby in my arms. Immediately I adjust my arms and cradle his perfect little head, enamored by this sleeping little thing in hands. “See, it’s innate. It comes naturally to you. I bet you are starting to feel this protective vibe inside of you right. Like at any moment if that door slammed open you would do anything to protect this tiny baby you don’t even know.” I am still looking at his perfect little face, but I am nodding. I can feel a tear slip down my face and I am officially a goner. “Then, you don’t have to worry about anything else. The rest will come.”
After crying like a leaky faucet in front of women I don’t know, but can also admit who are completely awesome and fun to talk to, we all call it a night. I am lying in bed, restless, and not sure what to do with myself. I am used to having a plan, being up all night looking up things, plotting, and thinking. Fuming and working myself up for what I know I have to do, but now, I have nothing to do, and it is killing me. So, I roll over, hand on my stomach and allow myself to sleep for the first time in months.
* * *
“Anyone know when we can expect the guys back?” Saffron asks while we all clean up from breakfast. The kids have long since eaten and are all outside enjoying the open fenced in yard. We plan to take them swimming in a few minutes.
“Colin didn’t say much to me about it, but then again he never tells me,” she says it with a smile that I don’t understand.
“Doesn’t it bother you? Not knowing, I mean.” All the ladies shake their heads no and suddenly I feel like the weird one.
“Their job is to look out for their family. That means keeping us safe and only telling us what we need to know. I am okay with that. I have seen enough of the world to know it is awful. I am ok not having to worry about it anymore,” Teresa says, shrugging and walking away. Well shit. When she puts it like that.
“Alright… what do you say we…” Saffron doesn’t get to finish because the jet can be heard overhead. My heart begins to pound a mile a minute, thoughts of him not being with them when they walk in the door.
My own thoughts are drowned out by the screams of the kids, excited to see their dads. It is actually cute. The ladies are all at the door with their kids, waiting and where am I? Hanging back, hands fidgeting, standing alone. As usual, but of my own doing. I am not sure how to do this. I don’t know how to be in a relationship. I don’t even know if I can be happy. I don’t remember what it feels like anymore. I have spent so much time alone in the darkness, seeking something many run from, now, faced with it being over, I don’t know what is after this.
Amid my thoughts, the men come in and one by one they grab their women and kids and with each one that is not Callum, I can feel myself dying. Then finally, the last one in the door. “Miss me, Angel?” His smug face walks towards me and I fucking fall apart. I didn’t realize how much anxiety I had about him not making it back until right now. “Hey, hey, baby. It's alright.” He lifts me into his arms, my legs wrapped around his waist, his hands under my ass. I hear him telling everyone goodbye and then we are walking down the hall.
I simply keep my face in his neck until he sits me on the bed. Wiping my eyes I look at him waiting for information. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”
“Later baby. I want you to take your clothes off and let me sleep with you in my arms. I promise you will have all the answers when you wake up.” I give him my not buying it look, but I can’t deny how much I missed him and how anxious I was he wouldn’t make it back, so I do as he asks and slide under the covers. I have to admit, being in his arms feels like home but for how long? How long can we pretend that this is going to end in any other way but me in handcuffs and possibly by his hand?
Stretching my arms above my head, I roll over and see his eyes are open and on me. “Hey Angel. How did you sleep?” I smile and look at the twinkling in his eyes.
“Better.” He nods and kisses my nose. His hand is caressing my stomach and it sends goosebumps through me. He says nothing. Instead he turns and turns on the TV. He flicks to the news channel, and it aggravates me, because we need to talk, but then the new bulletin comes up.
This just in. The FBI has made an arrest in the recent deaths that have plagued L.A. in what the department is deeming a connection to the DeSantis murders earlier this year. Seems fingerprints at the most recent crime and arson scene not only in L.A, but a shootout in Barcelona from the same suspect. Latkish Leonidis was arrested in connection with these murders. I am sure there will be more information to follow.
This has been a special news report. I’m Lana Gordo. Thank you for watching.
What the hell? I shoot up in the bed, shocked and in disbelief that what I saw was real. “Is that…what… how?” I can’t form words.
“It’s over baby. You are free. So am I”
“I don’t understand. What is happening?” He sits up and pulls me onto his lap, straddling him. I can feel his cock, hard and leaking rubbing against my clit due to how I am sitting. Of course my base instincts take over and I start rubbing myself on him, temporarily distracted from the discussion. Luckily, with a chuckle and a smack on my ass, he holds my hips still.
