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"I dunno, a joystick is a really great place to start.”
I could literally feel his smile.
“Joystick? You have a joystick?”
He has a joystick?
“Yes, tigre. A full seven inches long...”
“Ahhhh!” I fled his presence with an embarrassed smile on my face when I finally realized what he was saying. "I hate you, Alessandro!" I bolted my room door from the inside and sank to the ground. I could hear him guffaw and say something I didn't understand - maybe in Italian.
Something was wrong with me. Something was definitely broken inside me. I stood from the soft rug and tripped to the bathroomto look at myself. I didn't think I'd have it in me to feel this way. Not after everything I had bottled up inside me. What seemed to him as crashing was a wall I had built inside me. A wall that kept all romantic emotions at bay. It was a coping mechanism for me to not have any crushes in high school, especially since the first crush I had felt too intimidated by me and settled for bullying me instead, along with the rest of the school. This way, I have avoided the next major part of emotional torture as a grown adult, and it worked well. Now, I felt those tired walls chipping off piece by piece like a dam that held a powerful amount of water with little springs oozing out of those cracks, causing even greater erosion. I placed my palms over my chest. Maybe if I stopped those spills, I'd be able to stop the eventual collapse.
I remembered my breasts and gave them a squeeze over my shirt and bra.What would it be like if Alessandro held these?my mind began speaking of its own accord and I made no effort to stop it. Maybe they'd be too small for his large hands, but I still doubted it. I toyed with the image of his eyes on me. What would his reaction be? As soon as those thoughts came, I dismissed them. He'd probably just want the same thing other guys wanted. I knew this since I left high school, and my emotional peace has been secure so far...as long as I only wanted the sex as well...just the sex.
I walked into the shower and stood under the jet sprays of water hoping to wash away the feelings that were blossoming inside me. Although, things took a different turn in that shower. It wasn't washing the feelings away. It was watering them and the bed that I slept on after using his hairdryer to blow hot air on, not just my hair, served as a mildly hot and humid incubation.When I woke up the next morning, nothing else was on my mind. No one else but him.
Fuck.
I had work today, so I was out before he even woke up - I guessed. All through work, every other thing annoyed me. Mainly because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't think without that thought process being interrupted by his face. His grin that displayed his beautiful teeth, something I wanted to lick at...Come on!!
Everything about him seemed so perfect in my eyes. Or maybe I had just learned to look past his imperfections. I hated it when he gave one-worded replies or grunts, but it was a reply. I didn't get this much usually in school. Outside, Ididn't wantto get this much but being stuck in this daydream thirty-day loop with him, I found that I actually had tastes. Something I was cultured to believe I shouldn't. I discovered what I liked and didn't like about him. I completely loathed his occasional aloofness and the way he sometimes sounded like a way bigger person, especially when I was drunk merry on Bourbon, but I completely loved the fact that he didn't bug me too much. Maybe it was because he was too busy to do so, or he didn't like me. That would hurt, but since we hadn't gotten far, I was sure I'd walk out of it mostly unscathed.
I got home completely famished. I had to do some shopping from the store I worked in for some hair products I felt would be useful to my hair and I used my break period to do this. I didn't want to make a stop anywhere for dinner when I closed from work to avoid the temptation of booze. I needed a straight brainto fix my hair. I thought of going to the salon for the first time since junior prom, but I decided against it at the last moment. Besides, my stomach threatened to swallow itself if I spent one more second without food.
I headed straight for the kitchen, noticing that Alessandro wasn't in the living room. While I was in the kitchen digging for an appetizer to quell my immediate hunger, I began pondering on something. Alessandro's front door has never been locked.
Really weird.
As I applied some chocolate spread on a gigantic loaf of baguette, I felt him come in. I pretended not to notice him and continued coating my bread.
Unexpectedly, I felt his hot breath very close to me. On my hair and then his lips made contact.
Smack.
On my hair.
I didn't turn. I just continued with a bite of my baguette and hummed in greeting. If only he knew how badly that affected me.
"How was work?" He rested his back on a counter to my right, quite close to the steaming kettle I set to boil water for a cup of hot chocolate.
"Fine," I answered with the straightest face my full mouth could pull. When I swallowed, my mouth really craved that chocolate drink. One that he already started making because I had already set out the ingredients on the counter.
"Hey! That's my cup!" I howled and went to him, snatching the cup from his mouth and took a large gulp of the sweet chocolate. He made it a little more concentrated than I usually did, but that made it more delicious. It was when I wanted to hand him back the cup, that I realized the proximity we were standing in. I tried to move back, but for some reason I couldn't without looking or sounding too awkward or abrupt. I settled for tilting my torso back and putting the cup of cocoa in front of my face. Instead of him taking it from my hand, he put his lips directly on the hem of the cup and used the weight of his head to tilt it, pouring some of the content into his mouth.
Oooohh.
"You have a little something on the side of your..." I pointed to the side of his pink lips shaped like a wide heart. He smirked and licked it clean off.
"Anybody bother you today?" he continued on the topic of work. I tried to back off, but he held my waist, stopping me. My heart started screaming in protest, pounding so furiously against my ribcage, I felt like he could feel the vibrations of the beat on my waist where he held me.
"Uhhh...you?" I answered sarcastically with a nervous laughter. He peered closer into my face.
"You've got something on your face too," he told me. I tried to use my tongue to lick it off, but he chuckled and flicked his finger on the opposite side of my lips that I had licked. He then brought the same finger to his mouth and sucked off the dark stain he brought from the corner of my lips.
"That's delicious," he commented drowsily. If I wasn't looking at his eyes all the while, I'd have sworn the silver grew darker. I let out a shaky breath and licked my lips, feeling them drying up a little bit.
"Fuck," he muttered.
