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He flinches.
For some silly reason, I hate that I hurt his feelings. My soft heart doesn’t like causing him pain, even if he’s a stranger to me, a stranger that lied over and over again. “I didn’t mean it like that,” I say gently. “But I do need time to figure things out. It’s a lot to take in.”
He remains still, the only movement the agitated flick of his tail. “Ask me anything else and I will answer with honest truth, even if I wish to tear my tongue out first.”
Jeez. That seems a little extreme, but given the secrets he’s lobbed at me, it’s probably an accurate description of how he feels right now. I cross my arms over my chest and belatedly realize I’m still in my towel, and my hair is half-dried with soap in it. An hour ago, I was in the shower with Nassakth, drowsy with the aftermath of the most incredible night ever…and now that Kim feels like a stranger to me.
Just like Nassakth does.
But he’s offering me the truth right now, and I guess I should take him up on it, no matter how badly I want to retreat to the bedroom and just cry. “Are there any other secrets you’re keeping?”
He thinks for a moment. “I have been secretive for a long time,” Nassakth admits. “As a slave who is aging out and plotting escape, I was not able to trust in another. Sharing even a hint of my true thoughts could have ended in death for me. I am…trying.” He rubs his jaw, considering. “I did not like the meat pockets because of the strange material wrapped around them.”
“Bread.” Like bread matters right now.
He nods. “But I ate it because you worked hard, and it made me happy that you created something like that just for me. I would eat it every day if it made you smile.” He shrugs, still thinking. “I…watched you, before. I do not know if you know that, but now you do. I watched you, because I saw you in port one day and you smiled and laughed so happily that it made me warm just to see you. I followed you back to your homestead and watched you for many days. When I saw you had no mate, I left a kill at your doorstep to let you know of my interest.”
And I’d put an ad up to shop for a husband, and invited a slaver right into my house. “You…did you kill the first guy?”
“First guy?”
“The first mesakkah that came to my home and answered my ad?”
“No.” He looks guilty for a moment. “I did make it quite clear to him as he left that he was not welcome, though. He said he had no wish to mate you anyhow, but I let him know you were claimed and he was never to speak to you again.” Nassakth glances over at me. “I also made it quite clear to several males in town that they were not to approach you.”
I sigh. Here I thought I’d been a pariah because of my age, and Nassakth was silently discouraging suitors on the down-low. In a way, it makes me feel better…but also makes me feel much, much worse. He’s been so sneaky. “I see.”
“I still think like a slave, sometimes,” he admits quietly. “I worry all the things I have acquired will be taken from me. I fight dirty to claim what I want. I do not feel shame for this, because it is how I have been molded. But I am letting you know that it is who I am. I have never claimed to be a good, honest male, Kim. I am the Arena Scourge of Askorthi Prime. Old now, but still that same gladiator with a ruthless instinct to survive and it makes it very hard for me to trust.” He squeezes a fist over his heart. “Right now, I feel as if I am being laid bare, but I do this for you.”
I nod. What else can I do? “This is just…a lot. I need to think.”
“Of course. Take all the time you need.”
“Are you…going to show Bethiah where he is buried? The…guy?”
Nassakth gives a brief nod. “If you wish to see, I will show you, but I would prefer not to.”
I think I’d prefer that, too. I don’t want to see some guy being dug up from a shallow grave. I can endure a lot, but some things…some things are better left alone. “No thank you. I’m going to go finish washing up. And then I’m going to nap.” When he takes a step toward me, I raise a hand in the air to stop him. “Alone. I’m…probably going to be sleeping alone for a bit.”
The look on his face is stoic. “Of course. Whatever you need, Kim.”
