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“They are my family,” I admit. “If they need money, I will give it to them. They have but to ask.”
Kim makes another strangled noise. “So you’ll just forget that they abandoned you?”
She is not wrong. Part of me is pleased that she is so vehemently on my side, because it means she still sees us as together, no matter how she feels…and part of me worries. I do not want to drive this wedge between us deeper. I am wary of anything that will interrupt our regular patterns…and this is bound to change things for us. “I know they abandoned me, but they are family,” I tell her. I reach out and gently cup her face, and consider it a success that she does not pull away. Instead, she looks up at me with sad eyes.
Her sadness is for me, for what I have gone through, and I want to squeeze her tight and reassure her that everything will be all right.
“I have thought about family a lot,” I confess. “Because I want one with you. And part of me wants to see them again. An equally large part of me is confused and angry that they wish to speak to me after thirty years. I am a muddle of emotions, and I do not know what to do. So I turn to you, my mate, because I value your opinion more than anyone else in the universe. Tell me what to do.”
“Me? I can’t tell you to talk to them or not—”
“It must be our decision together, because it could give our position away. Someone could realize that the Nassakth who farms on Risda III is also the Nassakth that once fought on Askorthi Prime. If I am sensible, I will tell the bounty hunter to forget all of it…and yet when I think about doing so, the words feel like your bread did in my mouth—thick and pasty and unwelcome.” I grimace. “Sorry.”
Kim lets out a little sigh, and then chuckles. “It’s a pretty good analogy.” She rubs my arm. “You have such a good heart, Nassakth. To even consider this…”
“Family is important. When I look at you…it makes me realize how much I want one. And perhaps if I talk to them…I can clear my head about my past.”
Because Kim is right. No matter how much I tell myself it was honorable slavery, a kernel of resentment burns in my belly. Thirty long years…and they contact me now.
Now that I have a beautiful mate and a fine, prosperous homestead. Now that I am content…and they steal my contentment away.
56
KIM
It’s not an answer that should be decided immediately, I tell Nassakth. We agree to sleep on it and discuss in the morning. Nassakth nods in silence, and I can tell that this new information is already eating at him. He’s not going to be able to rest until he finds out what his family wants.
I don’t rest much, either. Sleeping alone sucks. I feel alone and small and pathetic (and cold) in bed by myself. There’s not even blankets to cocoon in, and so most of the time I just toss and turn and stare at the ceiling. I could give in and let Nassakth back into bed, but…I don’t trust myself not to crawl all over him like the needy creature I am. My dreams are filled with all kinds of erotic scenarios between us, most of them involving Nassakth and his tongue, Nassakth stroking his cock in the shower while I watch, Nassakth and his big hands on my inner thighs as he pushes them apart…
Yeah. No one’s getting any sleep around here. I’m determined not to be a pushover and my praxiian mate is haunted by the demons of his past. It’s not surprising when I wake up early for breakfast and see he’s already in the kitchen, awake and cooking some of the sweet noodles that I prefer as my morning meal. His mane is tangled, and the thick, flowing fur of his tail looks like a knotted mess. That’s unlike him. He sets a bowl down in front of me, and I notice for the first time that his “noodles” are a type of plant that looks and tastes a lot like meat. I’m such a self-absorbed idiot to not notice this before. Of course he’s a carnivore. He’s a cat. I feel like a bad mate, making him sleep on the floor and eating bread.
But…I’m not ready to say all is forgiven yet. I’m not sure what I’m holding out for, but hopefully I’ll know it when I see it.
Nassakth picks at his food as we eat in silence.
I glance over at him as I eat, and when I can’t take it any longer, I put my bowl aside. “Have you thought about what you want to do?”
