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I let Sophie lead me deeper into the ship, my thoughts racing. “Are they…are they as rich as Nassakth thinks they are?”
“Richer,” she says in a disgusted voice. “They’re seriously big cheeses. There’s always some important dignitary or general showing up at their house for them to fawn over.”
“Ugh.”
“Very ugh.” She hesitates, then goes on. “It’s not a very quiet life.”
It doesn’t sound like it is. But maybe this is exactly what Nassakth needs—the life of a gladiator wasn’t a quiet one, either. If some part of him misses the limelight…then this is perfect for him.
A nightmare for me, but perfect for him. And I love him too much to hold onto him. If this is his dream, I want him to pursue it. So I take Sophie’s hand in mine and squeeze it. “Let me tell you all about Risda III. I have a little farm there and it’s at the top of a hill covered in noli. It’s kind of remote and quiet, and the farm itself is small, but because of the noli, I can assure you that you will probably never be bothered by praxiians.”
Sophie sighs. “It sounds like paradise.”
“It is.” A sad, lonely, Nassakth-less paradise. My plan has been to let Sophie rent my farm from me, to give her a quiet place to stay since I can’t live there. But now that I’m losing Nassakth…I don’t think I can bear to stay in his big house without him. Everything there will remind me of his presence…and it’ll be sheer torture on my soul.
Sophie and I can just be roommates, sharing my tiny farm. Two lonely, abandoned human souls on the edge of the universe.
Sounds…depressing.
71
NASSAKTH
Kim is giving me space to figure out what I want to do.
I am just…not entirely sure I need it. My first instinct is to say no. That I do not wish to return to Praxii Minor, no matter the wealth or prestige, because I am no longer the Nassakth that craves the approval of my people. I am no longer a gladiator who lives for the entertainment of others. I am Nassakth, a farmer on a remote planet with a delightful human wife and who entertains thoughts of cubs in the future.
That Nassakth makes me happy.
But Kim wants me to think upon my future, to be certain that it is the one that I want. So I lie on my back in the small bed and stare up at the ceiling of the ship, thinking.
I try to think about my family, but thinking about them for too long irritates me. They have turned into snobbish elites, far more concerned with the jewels on one’s tail than one’s deeds. Or have they always been this way and I was too young to realize it? I try to think about my brothers, both of them now dead, but they are—and always will be—strangers to me. I have very few memories of them and it makes me realize how lonely my childhood was.
Fortune and power might be appealing to some, but I find my thoughts keep turning to my mate, Kim.
To our future together.
I want to wake up with her next to me every day. I want to see her belly swell with our cubs. I want to have half-human, half-praxiian cubs with her that get underfoot, play in our fields (perhaps not the one where the mesakkah was buried, though) and have a good life. I want our cubs to be children, not objects brokered for money.
I try to imagine a different mate at my side, a proud, strong, elite praxiian female from a good house—and the thought makes me angry. No one belongs at my side but Kim. No one but scrappy Kim and her human tenacity. I want the female that cuffed me even as I was sick with noli fever. I want the female that is brave enough to steal a stranger’s human from under his nose…and gentle enough to cover her eyes when watching an arena match on the vid-screen.
I do not want to be the heir. I do not want any of this. I let my curiosity get the better of me, and now that I know what my parents wanted, I find I am not interested in the slightest.
After a few hours of contemplating choices, I get to my feet and leave the cabin. I look for my Kim, but see her nowhere. Mathiras and Adiron are on the bridge, and I nod at them. “Have you seen my mate?”
“They’re both hiding in the secret compartment in the cargo bay,” Mathiras says, getting to his feet. “There’s a rumor that the port authorities are doing random searches, so she’s keeping Sophie safe. My brother Kaspar’s out looking for palms to grease.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “And while we’re on the subject, should I demand payment now?”
