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She shrugged. “I went through a cram course on what to do, and like I said, I looked like such a wet-behind-the-ears baby that no one saw me as a threat. I got close to the guy with no trouble, did the job, walked away. I threw up for a week every time I thought about it. I had nightmares for longer than that.”
“But when the nice man offered you another job, you took it.”
“I took it. He told me what a service I’d done for my country with the first job, and the thing is, he wasn’t lying or manipulating me. He was sincere.”
“But was he right?”
“Yes,” she said softly. “He was. What I’ve done is illegal, I know that, and I have to live with what I am. But he was right, and what it comes down to is I was willing to do the dirty work. Someone has to do it, so why not me? After the first time I was already muddy anyway.”
Swain reached over and took her hand, raised it to his mouth, and pressed a gentle kiss on her fingers.
Lily blinked in astonishment, opened her mouth to say something, then shut it and stared wide-eyed out the window instead. Swain chuckled and laid her hand back in her lap, then for thirty exhilarating minutes devoted himself to driving as fast as he could.
They stopped for lunch at a small sidewalk café in the next town they came to. He asked for a table in the sun but out of the slight breeze, and they were quite comfortable sitting outside. She had a salad topped with grilled goat cheese, he had lamb chops, and they each had a glass of wine followed by strong coffee. As they lingered over the coffee she said, “What about you? What’s your story?”
“Nothing unusual. Wild west Texas boy who couldn’t settle down, which is a real shame because I got married and had two kids.”
Startled, she said, “You’re married?”
He shook his head. “Divorced. Amy—that’s my ex-wife—finally decided I was never going to settle down, and she got tired of raising the kids by herself while I was off in some other country doing things she didn’t want to know about. I don’t blame her. Hell, I’d have divorced me, too. Now that I’m older I know what an ass I was, and I could kick myself for missing my kids grow
ing up. I can’t get those years back. Thank God, Amy did a good job with them . They turned out great, no thanks to me.”
He pulled out his wallet and fished out two small photographs, put them on the table in front of her. They were both high school graduation pictures, of a boy and a girl, and both of them looked a lot like the man sitting across from her. “My daughter Chrissy and my son Sam.”
“They’re good-looking kids.”
“Thank you,” he said with a grin. He knew very well they strongly resembled him. He picked up the photographs and studied them before putting them back in his wallet. “Chrissy was born when I was nineteen. I was way too young and too stupid to get married, much less have a baby, but being young and stupid means you don’t listen to people who know more than you. And if it comes to that, I’d do it over again, because I can’t imagine not having my kids.”
“Are you close to them now?”
“I doubt I’ll ever be as close to them as their mother is, because she’s way more important to them than I am. She was there when I wasn’t. They like me, they even love me because I’m their dad, but they don’t know me the way they know Amy. I was a lousy husband and father,” he said frankly. “Not abusive or lazy or anything like that, but just never at home. The best that can be said is that I always supported them.”
“That’s more than some men do.”
He muttered his opinion of those men, something that started with “stupid” and ended with “sons of bitches,” with several even more uncomplimentary words in between.
Lily was touched by the way he didn’t cut himself any slack. He’d made mistakes and with maturity he could both see them and regret them. As the years had passed he’d been able to appreciate all the things in his children’s lives that he’d missed out on, and he was grateful to his ex-wife for minimizing the damage he’d done to them with his absence.
“Are you thinking about settling down now, going home and living near your children? Is that why you left South America?”
“Nah, I left because I was ass-deep in alligators and they were all hungry.” He grinned. “I like a little excitement in my life, but sometimes a man needs to climb a tree and reassess the situation.”
“So what exactly do you do? For a living, I mean.”
“I’m kind of a jack-of-all-trades. People want something to happen, they hire me to make it happen.”
There was a lot of room in that statement, she thought, but sensed he’d been as specific as he was willing to be. She was comfortable not knowing every detail of his life. She knew he loved his kids, that he walked on the shady side but had a conscience, liked fast cars, and made her laugh. And he was willing to help her. For now, that was enough.
After lunch they walked around for a while. He spotted a small chocolate shop and immediately developed a craving for chocolate, even though they’d just left the café. He bought a dozen pieces in different flavors, and as they walked around he alternately fed her and himself until the chocolate was gone. Somewhere along the way, he caught her hand and simply held it in his for the rest of their walk.
In a way the day felt strangely disconnected from reality, as if they were in a bubble. Instead of pitting her wits against Rodrigo’s, she was walking around a small town with nothing more pressing to do than window-shop. She had no worries here, no stress; a handsome man was holding her hand and probably planning to make a move on her before the day was over. She hadn’t yet decided if she was okay with that or not, but wasn’t worried about it. If she said no, he wouldn’t sulk. She didn’t think Swain had ever sulked in his life. He would simply shrug and move on to the next entertainment.
She had been under unremitting stress for months, and it was only now, when she could relax, that she realized what a mental toll it had taken. She didn’t want to think today, didn’t want to dredge up hurtful memories. She just wanted to be.
By the time they walked back to the car, the sun was low and the brisk day was turning cold as the temperature dropped. She reached to open the car door, but he caught her hand and gently tugged, turning her around, and in one smooth move he released her hand and cupped her face in both of his big warm hands, tilting her chin up as he lowered his mouth.
She didn’t say no. Instead Lily grasped his wrists and simply held him while he was holding her. His mouth was surprisingly gentle, the kiss tender rather than demanding. He tasted like chocolate.
