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Carlos and Jaxon were right. I needed this.
I expect a formal inquisition from Jaxon when I return to work, but thankfully it seems to be business as usual. We have one hour left until closing, and I’m two tables away from an empty section. I’m clearing empty glasses from a table that just left when the polished tone of an authoritative voice encircles me.
“Good evening, Makenna.”
I know that voice.
My breath falters, and my hands tremble, making me tip over a glass. White wine instantly pools across the wooden tabletop. I grab my towel and rush to absorb the growing stream of liquid before it spills onto the floor.
By the time I spin around to see him, he’s already turned his back toward me as he heads to the back of the restaurant. His hands are stuffed in the pockets of his charcoal gray slacks, and the sleeves of his matching shirt are rolled up to his elbow. I’m beginning to think he has a thing for monochromatic wardrobes. His shoulders are moving as if he’s laughing at something. Is he seriously laughing at me right now?
My blood heats. It takes all my energy to remind myself I am a lady, and it would be inappropriate to chase him down and unleash a boat load of curse words on him. Instead, I clean up my mess and bring my glasses to the bar.
“Looks like someone is making new friends,” Jaxon says with a grin.
I roll my eyes and hand him the glasses. “I get the feeling he’s not the friendly type.”
“Aw, give him a break. He’s not that bad.”
I look at him like he’s grown an extra head. “He’s a total dick.”
Jaxon laughs and places the wine glasses in a dish rack. “If he’s being a dick, there’s usually a reason.”
“Well, I sure would love to know what it is.”
“Why don’t you go ask him?”
“Maybe I will.”
Jaxon throws a white bar towel over his shoulder and looks at me with a smirk. “Now, this I’ve gotta see.”
“Makenna, you have a four-top at table thirty-one,” one of the newer servers says as he walks past with a tray full of empty dishes.
I throw my head back and sigh. “Ughhh. I guess today is his lucky day. Maybe next time.”
That night, I go to bed missing Reid and wondering why I keep letting a man I don’t even know get under my skin.
Four years of classes, research, and clinical rounds has finally paid off. Today I graduate with my BSN, and I couldn’t be more excited—unless Reid were here to celebrate with me. I’m surrounded by family and friends, but it still doesn’t feel complete without him. I haven’t even started looking for a job. The more I think about it, the more nervous I become. This is the beginning of the rest of my life, something I should be thoroughly ecstatic about, but I’ve never felt more alone.
That seems to be a going theme these days—loneliness. Between boot camp, Recon training, and now this, my ovaries… and my heart… can’t take much more. Six months has turned into almost a year, and I don’t know when I’ll finally see Reid again.
Last weekend Ryleigh met us at Brynn’s apartment, and we spent the night catching up. Brynn told us all about the exciting world of photography, while Ryleigh filled us in on her life as an investment banker. We sipped champagne and cranberry juice until they both heard all they could stand about Reid. So, they sent me to bed where I had the strangest and most vivid dreams of a nameless face hidden in the shadows of a hoodie and baseball cap.
I blamed the alcohol, even though I was nowhere near drunk.
I’ve never had a single thought of any man other than Reid, and the experience bothers me. For some unexplainable reason, this man has labeled me intolerable. His rejection drives my need for absolution of a sin I’m more than certain I haven’t even committed. It’s cheerleading camp and my fat ankles all over again. I wake up feeling wildly insecure after spending so many years proving to myself I shouldn’t be.
In my dream, Cal sat there, in Carlos’s office, behind the desk with his fingers steepled in front of his mouth as he listened to person after person as they plead their case to him. None of these people were familiar to me, but they all shared the same abhorrent traits—lying, cheating, and stealing. Each one stood before him in fear, as if he were the deciding factor of their fates. Then, when it was my turn to present my testimony, his calm, confident voice filled the now empty room, “Go home, Makenna. You shouldn’t be here.” An unsettling feeling burned deep in my gut as he spoke, and I fought the instinct to turn and run. “Why don’t you like me? What have I ever done to you?” I had asked him. Just then, I felt a hand on my shoulder, so I turned to see Reid standing behind me with his beautiful and comforting smile. “Time to go, babygirl,” he had told me. I turned to tell Cal to screw himself, that I don’t need his approval. I turned to tell him that I’m a good person, and I deserve good things. But he was gone. Then, so was Reid. And I was left alone to search within myself for something repulsive enough to turn a complete stranger into an enemy.
It was just a dream.
It wasn’t real life. In real life, I just graduated college. Brynn and Ryleigh are off chasing their dreams. My mom finally met a guy she wants to spend more than one night with. And Reid is scouring places I’m not even allowed to know about, doing his part to save the world.
In real life, I’m standing here with my bright, shiny nursing degree staring me in the face, and I decide to stay at Suppato’s instead of sending my resume to one of the many hospitals in the city. At least for now. For now, I decide to stay where I feel like I belong, where I feel secure, where I feel home.
Home. Such a tricky word. For me, home is where Reid is. Unless, of course, I can’t be where he is. In this case, home is where I feel welcome, safe, happy. So here I am, strapping on my apron and painting on a smile—pretending I don’t feel so alone.
Of course, my first night back after graduation would be one of the busiest ever. By the end of the night, I’m starting to wish I had a cot in a back room. I’d be happy with a sleeping bag at this point. It’s been a long day, and I’m more than ready for a hot shower and soft pillow. I feel eyes on me as I walk across the parking lot to my car. I can’t actually say it’s him that is watching, because it could very well be Jaxon or Carlos. But the familiar churning in my stomach leads me to believe it isn’t either one of them. I turn to say something but soon realize I’m alone. Along with the fear that I may be losing my mind, the unsettling notion that I’m actually disappointed in not finding him watching has me questioning my sanity. I take one more glance around the parking lot before deciding it’s been too long of a day, and my bed is calling my name.
