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The color is still absent from her cheeks, as she arranges the cover over her bare legs. When she’s finished, she gazes up at me through the thick, inky lashes that fluttered against my skin as we fell asleep last night. I quickly shove away the memory before it weakens my resolve.
“I want every detail. Leave nothing out if you hope to ever see Valentina again.”
3
DANIELA
Isabel’s dead—Valentina’s alone—She could be next—I’m an ocean away—What if I can’t get to her in time—What if I can’t get there at all—Isabel’s dead—Valentina’s alone—They’re coming for her—I can’t save her—Isabel’s dead—
It’s too much!
Too much.
The paralyzing thoughts chase each other, screeching louder and louder, tripping over one another as they drag me around the track.
I can’t take the noise for another second. I press the heels of my hands into my temples to lessen the roar.
My brain is about to explode. No matter how hard I try, it’s impossible to concentrate on any one thing for more than a fleeting moment.You must.I know.But how? How?
Desperate to make the crazy stop, I slide my fingers through my hair, tugging until I feel the burn on my scalp. I learned many years ago that pain—physical pain—can be a warm embrace, calming and soothing when all else fails.
I pull and pull until there is only the throb of pain.It hurts so good. Who sings that?Focus, Daniela, focus.
My screaming scalp grounds me enough to slow the racing thoughts so that I can catch a few.
“I want every detail. Leave nothing out if you hope to ever see Valentina again.”
I’m not sure I can, Antonio.I’m not sure I have the words—or the courage to go back there. It was awful. But the worst of it wasn’t what they did to me, but what they did to my mother.They forced her to watch as they violated me.I shudder. That must have been worse than death itself. I’d rather die a thousand painful deaths than to be there, helpless, as monsters raped Valentina.
I glance at him. His body is tight. Angry. Mean. The hostility vibrates off him in giant waves that echo in the vast silence. It’s terrifying. And I am deathly afraid. Not for myself. But for Valentina.
When he learns the truth, will he order his men to kill her? She poses a threat to him—to the power he’s amassed in the region. It’s a challenge I can’t wave away. I can’t do a damn thing about it.
A numbing cold engulfs me, filtering through my porous flesh and finding a home in my soul. I don’t take a single lifesaving breath before retreating inside myself, where I’m small and invisible. Where nothing can touch me. There’s a high cost to this type of security, but I don’t fight it. I let it happen.I pray for it.Soon I’ll be safe, watching my life unfold around me.
You’re almost there. Almost.
It’s been so long since I’ve been here. I’d forgotten how slow everything moves. How dreamlike it feels to float.
You need to snap out of it! Right now, Daniela, before you can’t!
I don’t want to, Mamai. There’s nothing I can do. It’s better this way.
Better for who? Valentina needs you!
Valentina needs me. Valentina needs me. Valentina needs me.
The words are more than a mantra. They’re a spark of electricity that races through me. I shiver as the jolt surges, shoving me out of the cocoon where I desperately want to hide forever.
You’re not twelve. The Huntsmans can’t hurt you. But they can hurt Valentina.
I won’t allow it. Not while I have a single breath left in me.They will not harm her.
I gaze at the man who stands between me and my daughter. He wants the truth.Every detail.Like it’s so easy.
I don’t know even know where to begin. I’ve relived the events of that day, but only in my head. And I haven’t allowed myself to dwell on most of it for over a decade. I’ve never sharedeverydetail with anyone.No one.
Yes, I talked with Isabel after it happened, but I couldn’t remember everything at first, and later, as it started to come back in fits and spurts, she urged me to put it out of my head. She helped me cope in the best way she knew. I’m sure it’s how she dealt with the assaults from her past too.“When a memory from that day intrudes, don’t let it stay. Push it away immediately. Focus on something else. Ride your horse, think of beautiful things, anything that fills your heart with joy. Don’t ruminate about what happened because it will slowly kill you if you do.”
