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Subject: I’m sorry
Tristan,
You blocked my number, so I didn’t have any other way to get in touch with you. I hope this email finds you well. I don’t know where you are or when you’re coming back, but I can’t hold the truth back from you anymore. I lied to you when I called. I told you five men, but there were more. A lot more. I can’t remember how many. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe I have a problem. Maybe I’m not relationship material. I know you won’t forgive me. I don’t expect forgiveness, and I know I don’t deserve it. I just wanted to be honest. I’m trying to be better for the new man I met. He was one of my clients that turned into more. I didn’t go looking for it, but it fell into my lap. You’d like him. He’s a lot like you.
I didn’t want you to come back and find out about him. I wanted to tell you myself. I’ve already fucked you over enough. I’m sorry, Tristan. I really am. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me one day.
Devin
I read the email twice. This fucker had some nerve. It had been weeks since he’d heard from him, and Tristan was getting better. He wasn’t looking so drawn at times, staring off into space. He was able to say his name without wincing. Now this? How could he think sending that email was a good idea? He reopened the wound he created, telling Tristan not only about him cheating with countless men but also about some new guy he met? It sounded hypocritical for me to point that out, seeing what he and I were up to, but shit. Tristan didn’t cheat. Devin did. Tristan deserved to be happy, and if using me as a rebound got him that, I was all for it.
“Hey,” I said tenderly, hoping he would look at me. He did, and the pain I saw in his eyes made me want to hunt Devin down and beat his ass. Here was this amazing, kind, loving person with a heart of gold, and he’d stomped on it. “Talk to me. Tell me what you need.” I wanted to help any way I could. This man, this wonderful man, was the reason I could get up every morning and why Iwantedto get up every morning. He was the reason I could even get a good night’s sleep. Knowing he was beside me and protecting me, made me want to do anything for him. If he told me to go beat Devin’s ass right now, I would be out the door.
“You,” he said, barely above a whisper.
“I’m here. Always.”
The kiss he gave me was sweet. Soft. And heartbreaking. He wasn’t sure of himself anymore. One email had broken him. I didn’t like it. The rage I felt toward someone I had never met was indescribable. Tristan didn’t deserve to feel this pain. I kissed him back just the same, and eventually, he deepened the kiss. His tongue snaked past my lips, making a slow glide across mine. He tasted like heaven. He straddled my waist, and I was helpless to tell him no. He needed this. So I was going to give him whatever he needed.
The kiss got intense, fast. He was groaning in my mouth and grinding on my dick, so I grabbed his narrow hips and rubbed him along my length. He tore his mouth from mine and threw his head back in ecstasy. When he looked back at me, there was no longer pain or torment in his eyes. It was replaced with unadulterated desire, and it was directed at me. Knowing my body, my touch, my kiss, my dick could make him forget, even for a minute, the shit he’d just read made me feel good. Because he felt good.
I stood up with him and turned around to the bed, placing him flat on his back. I brought my mouth back to his, putting as much passion as I could into this kiss. He arched up into me, bringing us chest to chest. He tightened his legs around my waist, trying to pull me down so I was flush against him. I couldn’t lay on him and simply kiss him. I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t take this slow. I couldn’t get enough of him, so us kissing always took on a desperate note, maybe because I was leaving soon. Or maybe it was because it was him. Just him. He was the reason I couldn’t slow down. I wanted him more than I wanted anything in my life. I was falling for him, and I didn’t want to stop the descent. It might hurt when I landed, but what a glorious fall it would be.
I kissed his neck, tonguing his collarbone. Tristan hardly ever wore a shirt inside, so I ran my tongue down his chest, thankful he thought that piece of clothing was pointless. I nipped at the lean muscles in his stomach, marveling like I always did at the difference in our bodies. While I had enough abs to look like I had paint rollers under my skin, Tris had a flat expanse of lean, shredded muscles that made my mouth water.
I dipped my tongue into his belly button, getting a groan from him in response. When I looked up at him, my dick got even harder, leaking precum. His pupils were blown, the black taking up most of the brown in his gaze. The desire in his eyes ignited my need to please him. Not caring if they ripped or not, I tore off his shorts, and without preamble, I put his dick in my mouth, all the way to the base. I moaned, loving the feel of his hard cock on my tongue. It was hot, and his skin was so smooth. Precum dripped in my mouth, and I swallowed every drop of his arousal.
Deciding to take things to the next level, I stopped sucking him and jacked him off while I stuck two fingers in my mouth, getting them wet. I maintained eye contact, letting him see what I was doing. I cocked a brow at him, and he nodded. Removing my fingers from my mouth, I went back to sucking him. He pulled his legs up, exposing himself to me, and with one finger, I rubbed the rim of his hole. He tensed, then gyrated his hips, moaning loud and long. Gently, I pushed inside him, not knowing what to expect but wanting it all the same. I had been reading up on how to pleasure your lover and wanted to make sure I got it right.
I let him get used to one finger while leisurely taking his cock in and out of my mouth, careful to make sure he wouldn’t come too fast. Then I added a second finger. Fuck, he was tight. He clamped down on my fingers, driving me crazy, and I fucked him with my digits, trying to find the bundle of nerves I’d read about. When I felt it—a smooth expanse that was unmistakably his prostate—I rubbed it. The way Tristan thrusted his hips, I would have choked if I had a gag reflex. But I still would have loved every minute of it.
I teased him, rubbing his prostate over and over while I took his dick into my throat. It was driving him wild. He had a hand on the back of my head, trying to urge me on, but I wanted to let him enjoy it. The longer he felt this, the longer he wouldn’t feel like shit because of his ex.
“Fuck, baby.” He moaned. “I want you. I want you so fucking bad.”
I popped off his dick but didn’t take my fingers out of him. “You have me.”
“I want you inside me. Please.”
Fuck. I was ready to be inside him, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated because he was in pain and I was his shoulder to cry on. I had to know he was really okay with it. “Are you sure? We can wait if you’re not ready.”
“I’m sure. I’m ready. No more waiting.”
I reared up to him and gave him a long, deep kiss that I felt in my bones. This was the ultimate gift he was giving me. A sign of how much he really did trust me. Giving me his body. Lying bare for me. “Lube is in the bedside table,” he told me with a groan. I still had my fingers in him and was rubbing his prostate. “You have to stop doing that or I’ll come,” he said with gritted teeth. I reluctantly removed my fingers from his heat and reached over to the nightstand. After I took out the lube, I asked him again, “Are you sure?” He knew what I was asking. Was he sure he wanted me to not use a condom? I wanted to give him an out in case he was on the fence.
He nodded his head and opened his arms to me. How could I resist? I went to him willingly, blanketing my body over his. Our lips came together, but not roughly or frantically. It was sweet like we were exchanging a promise to the other. Like we were becoming one. Like wewereone.
I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t want our bubble to end. Nine days was not enough. I wanted more. I wanted nine more days times infinity. I wanted him in this life and the next. I was teetering on the precipice of falling, and one word, one touch, one look would have me pitching over.
“What do I do?” I asked. I wanted to make sure I didn’t hurt him. This was new for me, so he would have to guide me through it so he could feel the same pleasure I was sure to feel.
“Take your clothes off.” I was still fully dressed since I had been more focused on making him feel good, but I got undressed in record time and crawled back between his legs. He grabbed my hand and put lube on my fingers, and I reached down and teased his hole again. My finger was just a whisper across him, but he arched up and moaned. “Fuck. That feels amazing.” I pushed inside him one finger, then two. Then I added a third. He flopped back on the bed, grinding down on my fingers as I eased them in and out of him. Seeing him like this, so unhinged, had me dripping all over the bed. I stroked my dick, watching him take pleasure from me. His feet were flat on the bed and his legs pulled up so I could see all of him was the best fucking thing I had ever seen, and the most erotic image I had ever come across.
“I’m ready. Just go slow.”
I kissed him after I removed my fingers and whispered, “I’ll do anything you want. Just tell me if I hurt you.” He nodded. I added a generous amount of lube to my dick, dragging my hand from base to tip, making sure I had enough. After I scooted closer to him, I put my tip at his entrance and leaned down, pressing my body against him. “This okay?” I didn’t want to crowd him, but I did want to be as close to him as possible. He nodded, and I felt his shaky breath on my cheek. Slowly—mindlessly slowly—I pressed into him. He didn’t tense. He bore down on my dick, making it easier for me to pass the tight ring of muscles.Holy fuck.I stopped moving when the head was past his opening and swallowed thickly. He felt like a dream. Tight and warm. I felt sweat break out over my skin. I pushed in more, feeling Tristan’s legs tighten around my waist. “More?” I rasped, not sounding like myself. He squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. “Look at me,” I told him. His eyes fluttered open, and he kept his eyes on me as I pushed into him until I bottomed out.
The look on his face was almost enough to make me explode. He was beautiful—cheeks tinged, eyes half-lidded, and bottom lip between his teeth. I wanted to keep this image in my head forever. The first time I was inside him would be a memory I cherished forever, no matter where our paths in life took us. He moved one of his beautiful hands to grip my back, and the other slid down to my ass. I guessed that was my cue to move.
