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He shot me a grin and grabbed my hand. “I like the sound of that.”
And that had me wondering if he liked the sound of the plan for the day or me being all his.
I sat on my bed and was on my phone instead of my laptop for this session because I wasn’t in the mood to have the bulk of it on my lap. I logged into my email, found the corresponding Zoom link, clicked it, and waited to be connected with Dr. Greyson. Over the past few weeks of our appointments, I had started to unpack everything I was experiencing. It was going to be a long road to recovery for my mental health, but I was determined to get there. I was putting in the work, discussing my feelings, being open and honest, having a dialogue.
His face popped up on the screen, and he smiled. “Lucas. Good morning. How are you?”
“I’m good, Doc. Thanks for asking. You?”
“I’m doing well. Thank you. So, the last time we spoke, you told me you were getting some rest. No more nightmares?”
“No, they seemed to have dried up for now. I’m not sure why, but I’m not going to complain.” I didn’t tell him it was because of Tristan. That was a secret I wanted us to have, a connection for the two of us and us alone.
“I’m glad to hear that. Sometimes, with trauma, your mind will work hard to beat back those thoughts and feelings. It will work overtime to try to get you where you want to be. Your mind seems to be trying to help you heal. What have you been doing to get to this point?”
“I’ve been journaling like you suggested and started to go to this lake nearby. It’s relaxing, sitting up there. I’ve been going a few times a week to clear my mind. I’ve also started to tell myself I did all I could to save the women who were murdered.” I paused, swallowing past the lump that formed in my throat. It was still hard to talk about the victims without getting choked up. “I know my team and I did as much as we could. And that’s helping too.”
“Good. That’s really good. I hope you start believing it. It was a hard case. The best possible outcome is that this man was held responsible for his actions. Your team saw to that. Now, I have another exercise for you. This will help you get back on an even keel in case your mind gets away from you about the case. Start saying things you know to be true about yourself. Doesn’t have to be anything big. It could be ‘My favorite color is blue’ or ‘My dog in high school was a German Shepherd.’ Anything that will ground you in the present. It’s simple but effective. It causes your mind to focus on what you are sayingnowrather than what you’ve experiencedbefore. If you ever feel like you’re drifting, try that.”
“I will. Thanks, Doc.” We finished the call after he asked a few more questions, and I walked out of the room to find Tristan making us a late breakfast. I told him we could order in, but there weren’t many breakfast options that came this far up the mountain. The nearest restaurants were fifteen miles away—an upscale place meant for tourists or those up here for anniversaries and such, and a pizza place. Neither of those sounded appetizing for eleven thirty in the morning.
“You lookin’ at my ass again?” he asked, making me guffaw.
“As a matter of fact, I am.”
“You were the first time too.” He glanced over his shoulder with a teasing smile. “Admit it.”
“I was. Can’t blame me.”
He rolled his eyes and turned back to the stove, but not before I saw the playful smile on his lips. “You need help?” I asked, knowing the answer.
“No, baby. I’m good. You can either sit and keep me company or get a movie started. I’m almost done here, though. I can bring your plate to you.”
My dick jerked in my pants, remembering how it felt being inside him and ‘baby’ falling off his lips while he stared into my eyes. It was better than I thought it would be. I had to pull my mind from those memories, or I would tackle him to the floor for round two. Going to the living room was a better idea. “I’ll get a movie started.”
I grabbed our coffee mugs that he had already filled and mixed with creamer and went to sit on the couch. But then I thought better of it and sat on the floor, my back against it, and put our coffee on the floor beside me. I wasn’t a messy eater, but it would just be my luck that I stained the couch, and Momma and Pop would pitch a fit. They might be rich, but they weren’t wasteful. We had this same sectional in the cabin since the last time I was here, which was about five years ago.
Tristan came into the room with our plates, sat mine down on the table in front of me, gave me my fork and napkin, and sat behind me, his leg brushing my shoulder. I grabbed my plate, and when I leaned back, I moved to lean into his leg. It wasn’t conscious. It felt natural like this was how we always ate a late breakfast, and his leg felt right brushing against me. I didn’t know what any of that meant. I had never fallen for anyone before. I didn’t know what this kind of love felt like, but I knew this was close. And if it kept up at this pace, it wouldn’t be long before I was there. I didn’t know whether to be excited about the prospect or afraid of how it would end.
Chapter14
Lucas
Seven days. We had seven days left, and I was starting to panic. I’d gone and done it—I fell in love with him. I didn’t know it could happen so fast, but I knew my feelings for him were real.I knew they were real. He wasn’t some bi-awakening crush. He was the real deal. He was it. The person I saw myself spending the rest of my life with.
I realized it this morning while we were brushing our teeth. He was already in the bathroom, having finished in the shower when I woke up. I stood beside him, closest to the door, and my toothbrush was to his right. Almost absentmindedly, he handed me my toothbrush, and while I wet it, he uncapped the toothpaste and handed it to me. When I had gotten some toothpaste on my brush, I handed it back, and he capped it and put it on the counter. It wasn’t much, but it spoke to what I wanted for our future. Of how I wanted more days like this, where we didn’t have to say anything. Everything just flowed. I caught his wide eyes in the mirror and wondered if he’d thought the same. From the ease of that simple task, you would have thought we had been doing it for years. There was no conscious thought for either of us.
I tried not to fall for him. I really did. He was newly single, and I was newly secure in my sexuality. It was too soon for both of us. We’d known each other for three weeks, not long enough by any standard. Not something my heart was trying to hear, though. Because damned if he didn’t find his way in there, take up space, and get comfortable. And I liked him there.
The panic started to set in because this would be over in a week, and probably less, depending on when Cassie came up. I could count on maybe having three or four more days with him all to myself. And I wasn’t going to waste them.
I didn’t know how I would ask for what I wanted. I could simply blurt it out, but that would be weird. I decided to ease my way into the conversation. Get a feel for things. We were on the back deck, sitting in lounge chairs, soaking up the morning sun before it got too hot. I took a deep breath and went for it.
“Tris? Can I ask you a question?”
“Anytime,” he said. “What’s up?”
“How did you know you were a bottom?”
