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Chapter Seven
“How much do you know?” It was minutes later when MJ finally managed to speak. Helios’ revelation had so shocked her that she had been left immobile and speechless, and she had not resisted when Helios guided her to the couch and had her drink a glass of water.
Helios knelt down on the floor in front of her. “Everything.” He took her hands in his, and the cold clammy feel of her palms made him curse silently. When she tried to pull her hands away, he held on to it more tightly. “Look at me.”
She shook her head.
He said in a commanding voice this time, “Look at me.”
Slowly, she lifted her gaze to his, a part of her helplessly answering his command.
“When I found out about your past, I wanted to kill myself.”
Her eyes widened.
He smiled humorlessly. “What else could I feel? It was then I understood your fear of bikes, and that was when I realized how much you chose to suffer in choosing to love me.”
“Is that why you’re doing all these things to get me back?” she muttered. “Because you feel guilty—”
“No!” He squeezed her hands. “I won’t deny that I feel guilty. I do, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling damn guilty about what I put you through. But more than that, you made me...” He swallowed. “You made me want to change. You made me want to be like my old self again. Someone...who didn’t have any trouble smiling. Someone who didn’t distrust people at first sight. Someone who could love you the way you deserve to be loved. I want to be that person for you because I can’t imagine spending another day of my life without you.”
He released her hands to cup her cheeks. “I tried, MJ. For your sake, I tried to live without you. But it didn’t work.” He paused. “I also asked a really smart person about the best thing I can do for you, and you know what she said?”
“No,” MJ whispered, mesmerized by the rare look of tenderness on Helios’ face. “What did she say?”
“Basically, she told me to fight for you. To do everything I could to make you love me even if you could never love me back. Because I owe you that – for every fucking time I hurt you, for every fucking time I made you cry and made you feel like shit. I’ll do everything you want. Make me beg, make me work hard for it, make me swear and curse you in frustration – I’ll take it all, brat. Because if there’s at least one thing I want to do for you...it’s not for you to fall in love with me again.”
MJ started crying. She had never imagined Helios could be this open about his feelings. She had never imagined Helios could say this many words in one sitting, actually.
Helios straightened up to kiss her on the forehead. “I just want you to believe that you’re someone anyone can easily love, and that you never have to feel like you need to earn another person’s love again.”
At his last words, MJ threw her arms around him. “I’ll do what you want,” she whispered.
After a heartbeat, Helios’ arms wrapped around her frail form as he was unable to resist holding her close again. His eyes closed at the feel of her body in his arms. When he raised his hand to touch her hair, he wasn’t surprised to find it shaking. For so long, he had thought he would never have a chance to hold her once more. Now that she was in his arms, he was sorely tempted to lock her in it.
“I’ll make you beg. I’ll make you work hard for it. I’ll make you swear and wish I had never been born,” she sobbed.
He smiled at her fervent tone. It was as if MJ was swearing an oath of fealty just before going into battle. “But?” He had a feeling there was a ‘but’.
She didn’t care if she was playing the fool or the idiot again. She had loved Helios Andreadis far too long to be immune to his pain. Had she really thought she could stay away from the sun god? Silly her for thinking something like that was possible when deep in her heart, she hadn’t even wanted it.
Pulling back, she wriggled her arms free from his iron-like hold so she could cup his face. For a moment, all she could do was touch his cheeks, marveling at the knowledge that she had the freedom and right to touch him like this once more.
“Before I do all that,” she whispered shakily, “do you think...” She swallowed. “Do you think we could make love just once?”
One moment she was still on the couch, and the next thing she knew, Helios had scooped her up in his arms and was striding swiftly into his bedroom.
Of all the things she would have asked for, he had never imagined she would ask for that, Helios thought. But then, MJ had always been unpredictable and that was one of the things he loved most about her. Her spontaneous ways might have a tendency to drive him crazy, but he wouldn’t change it for the world.
When MJ started to speak, Helios kissed her hard, enough to have her toes curl. When he lifted his head, he glared at her and said shortly, “You cannot change your mind now.”
“I wasn’t going to,” she said weakly.
“Good.” He laid her carefully on the bed, doing his best to control the urge to pounce on her.
“I just wanted to say thank you for coming after me.”
