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His expression hardened. ‘But I might not. In which case the throne goes to Kostas and everything I’ve tried to do for my people will be undone.’
It was a terrible problem, she could see that now. For anyone else, a simple test would have cleared up any questions, but not in this instance. A simple test would certainly give answers, but it also might lose him everything. Of course, he couldn’t take it.
‘You can’t let that happen, can you?’ she murmured, looking up into his face. ‘That’s why you have to lie about me?’
‘I’ve never wanted to lie, believe me,’ he said bleakly. ‘But for the past ten years it’s been more a lie of omission than anything else, at least, until...’ He stopped.
But she didn’t need him to go on. She knew already what he was going to say.
Until Leo had been born. Until she’d turned up, complicating everything.
Pain twisted in her gut, her throat closing. ‘Oh, God. Leo and I must—’
‘No,’ he interrupted, unexpectedly fierce. ‘I will neverregret Leo.Never.And you...’ His blue gaze burned. ‘I will never regret you, either.’
The pain eased, but the lump in her throat didn’t go away, no matter how many times she swallowed. ‘But you have to lie to your people for me.’
Galen touched her cheek gently, but the intensity in his gaze didn’t falter. ‘You are worth every lie I have to tell. Every single one.’
Her chest ached with a sudden tightness, and she had to look away from the intensity in his eyes, concentrating instead on her thumb moving across the fine cotton of his shirt, stroking him. ‘You don’t think you’re Alexandros’s son, do you?’ It seemed obvious since if he truly believed he was, then he wouldn’t have gone to all this trouble to play games with the truth. And he would have taken that test.
He didn’t even hesitate. ‘No. I do not.’
‘Can I ask why?’
He didn’t answer immediately, reaching down for her hand where it lay on his chest and taking it in his. ‘Alexandros didn’t just not like me, he hated me. I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at me. And just in case I didn’t understand why, he told me before he died that I was no son of his.’ Galen paused a moment. ‘That trouble I had at Oxford was a party I attended that ended up in the press. There was alcohol, party drugs, plus some under-aged girls somehow got in, and the fact that I was there was made into a big deal. Alexandros was furious and told me that was the last straw, that no son of his would ever have been involved in that.’ Galen shook his head. ‘He said I’d never make a good king, that I was unfit for it, which is why he was going to pass the crown to Kostas.’
Solace felt something inside her shift and tighten at the echo of pain she could hear beneath the words. ‘You wanted to be his son?’
A flicker of anger crossed his face. ‘Once, I did. Once, I wanted to follow in his footsteps. And I’d have done anything to get him to look at me with kindness, just once, but...’ Galen glanced at her. ‘There are only so many times you can try pleasing someone determined to resent your very existence. So, no. No, I didn’t want to be his son.’ A muscle flicked in his hard jaw. ‘Sometimes I think it wasn’t my behaviour he wanted to correct, but my very existence.’
Her throat constricted with a terrible sympathy. ‘It’s not your fault, Galen. You do know that, don’t you? It wasn’t fair for him to take it out on you. You can’t take responsibility for the mistakes your parents made.’
His gaze met hers. ‘And yet that is all I’m doing now, is it not? I didn’t want the crown in the end. I wanted him to disown me, I wanted him to admit that he hated me, that he’d never wanted me, and that’s exactly what he did.’ Galen let out a breath. ‘Sometimes I wonder if I only took the crown to spite him. Because he was so desperate for me not to have it.’
Her hand in his felt warm and so did he, and she wished she could give him the same kind of reassurance that he gave her. ‘No,’ she said quietly. ‘That’s not why you took it. You took it because you wanted to protect your country and do right by its people. That’s what being a good king is.’
There were shadows in his eyes. ‘But I’m not a good king, Solace. I’m not...suited for it. I did everything I could to throw the crown in my father’s face and when he disowned me, I instantly took it back.’
‘Yes. To save your country.’
‘Or was it more to spite my father? Perhaps that I could do a better job than my uncle is just another lie I tell myself.’
She stared at him. ‘Do you really believe that?’
He said nothing, but he didn’t need to. She could see the truth in his face.
‘No,’ she said again, more fiercely this time. ‘No, it’s not true. I did my research about your rule, I saw what kind of king you are. You’re compassionate and kind, and you care so much about your people. You want to do the best for them, and you’re prepared to fight for them.’ She took her hand from his and laid her palm against his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin. ‘Your father was wrong, Galen. You’re a good king. You’re an excellent king. And the only standards you should be meeting are your own.’
‘Solace...’
‘Listen to me. I don’t know who my father is, or my mother. And I’ll never know since they didn’t want to be found. So I had to decide who I wanted to be. I think, in the end, all you can do is decide that it doesn’t matter what your background is or where you came from. Or who brought you up and how. All that matters are the choices you make, and only you get to decide who you are.’ She stroked her thumb across his cheekbone. ‘Don’t let one man’s wrong opinion of you determine who you get to be, Galen. You are more, so much more than that.’
He gave her a long look and didn’t speak. Then slowly, he nodded. ‘I shouldn’t have told you all of this, you know.’
‘So why did you? What changed your mind?’
‘You’ve been so very honest with me and so I wanted to be honest with you.’ He caught her hand against his cheek. ‘You were right about trust. I want this marriage to work, and we have to start somewhere.’
