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“She’s lucky she’s pregnant. That’s all I’ll say about her. And she’s the mother of my grandchildren. Fuck. She irritates me so much right now.” His reaction surprises me, and I dare to glance at him. He gives in to his frustration, chunking down more of that juicy burger in his hands.
I mutter, “Get in line.”
After he’s chewed and swallowed, his Adam’s apple tempting me, he continues, “And, no, little doe. I spent a long timepiningafter my ex, but the moment you let me fuck your pretty little mouth out in the open, I knew I had crossed into new territory. Our territory. I’ve always looked into what you were up to outside of work—”
My eyes widen. “You did?”
“That’s not romantic, Ivy. Don’t look at me with stars in your eyes right now. I stalked you. I would’ve bugged your apartment, cameras scrutinizing your every move.” I clench my thighs together at the thought. “I didn’t. I also didn’t have you killed, which is a miracle, considering you know more than half of Kamila’s secrets. You’ve always intrigued me, and it never felt right to remove you from the equation. I enjoyed our sessions.”
“You did?” I ask, astonished. He never looked like he had enjoyed it. I always had to press the answers out of him, failing miserably.
“I liked watching you squirm.”
That sentence causes a reaction that only he brings out of me. I want to jump on his lap and fuck him out in the open. With Hugh wandering out and about on Katantia, I need to be careful, though. I whisper, “I like squirming for you.”
“I could always see that. Why did you never tell me?” he asks.
“In case you haven’t noticed, I grew up sheltered and thinking nobody outside of Hugh would ever love me,” I tell him, blushing some more while he finishes his burger. He takes a paper towel, drying his hands. He works hard to get rid of the grease, but it’s not going anywhere. He lets out a harsh breath. “I didn’t know what to do with my feelings for you. You represented everything I never had. I know you’re everyone’s dad, but you’re so much more than that… You carry so much pain and guilt with you. You never opened up, but I could see it weighing you down.”
A car drives by us, but the Escalade doesn’t shake like my car would. I continue, “I guess I like older men. I crave the maturity, the security that comes along with somebody who’s twice my age. Smolyakov said so. I have daddy issues.”
“Ivy.”
My gaze is lowered, and tears travel down my cheeks. I wipe them before he can see, but I have a feeling he knows I’m upset already. Hiding from Jordan is futile. “What?”
“I won’t be your father,” Jordan says. He grabs the keys and the paper bags of food.
I gulp down my shame. “I get it. You don’t have to be.”
He gets out of his car, and I remain inside, sobbing while he can’t hear me. Quickly, I wipe my eyes again. Snot is running down my face, and I need to clean it up ASAP.
Jordan opens my door, helping me out of his car. “Jesus. You weigh nothing. Ivy, you need to eat. I’m not joking. I won’t have you faint on me. I know a lot of things since I’m the brave, wise older man in your life, but it involves killing people. I don’t know how to help if you faint.”
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out.
“Don’t be. Let’s go upstairs, and I’ll force-feed you fattening burgers. You’ll be back in shape before you can say psychoanalysis,” he states, shutting the passenger’s door behind me. His hand is on my lower back, and it helps stop my shaking. I know that with Jordan here, not a lot can happen to me.
“Ivy?” Danai’s voice takes me out of my daydream. I lift my gaze, and I see her by the gates. Her brown hair is loose, almost messy. She just came home from work, and I can see it in her red eyes behind her glasses. “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you. You haven’t answered any of my calls. What is going on?”
Jordan grabs my hand, and I’m momentarily fazed. I gawk at him as he takes us forward, closer toward my friend. He magically produces my ID card, scanning it at the gates. Danai and I stare at Jordan while he holds me like I’m his. She’s as stunned as I am.
We walk into the building I live in, and he conversates with Danai like they’ve known each other for years.
Technically, they have. Danai is Valentina’s doctor, her OB-GYN.
“Kamila’s doing great. The baby is as healthy as ever, and Alex seems so excited to meet her! He’s crazy about them,” Danai tells Jordan, and I see his face change, but she doesn’t notice. Danai doesn’t pick up on the dark turn of Mr. Winters’ eyes. The grim thoughts that plague him eat at him, making him doubt all the effort he’s put into his family.
He feels cheated.
Jordan’s part of this fucking family, and it hurts him to be cast outside.
He needs to be there, overseeing it all. The babies are growing every day, and the more he misses, the sadder he’s going to end up being. I can’t have that. Yes, taking a break is integral to his progress, but he needs to be close to his family.
Jordan wants to feed me? Well, I’ll make him rest. We’ll recuperate together.
“I’m glad to hear that,” Jordan responds, and Danai scans her thumb to call the elevator for us.
“Malena says that Måns won’t be coming home in the foreseeable future,” Danai comments. She gazes at nothing, tapping her foot. She doesn’t want us to see her tense shoulders.
