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If there’s another man lurking in the background, I know I have to stop.
Hell, thereisanother man. Adam.
He’s reason enough to end this now.
* * *
At the house, Adam sits at the table, sipping coffee and doing a crossword. He looks up sharply when I enter, his eyes pitted, his cheeks sunken. He’s wearing a hoodie that somehow makes him look smaller.
“I thought you were in your room,” he says. “I’ve been sneaking around.”
I shake my head and open my mouth, unsure of what to say. Then he turns back to his crossword, and I realize he doesn’t want an answer.
“How’s it going?” I ask.
“Eva and I used to do these together,” he says. “It’s not as fun on my own.”
“Want some help?”
He shrugs. I can feel the grief emanating from him, and I can also feel his little sister’s lips on mine, and my palm is still tingling from where I touched her thigh.
My brain knows I’m doing the worst thing a man can do to his best friend, but that doesn’t stop my seed from roaring out for Harper every moment, immune to reason, not caring about the pain I’ll cause.
Sitting at the table, I wait for Adam to speak.
“She talked about you at the end,” he says after a pause. “Eva.”
My body goes tight, my fists clenching as his words hammer into me.
“She said she wished you were there, so she could say goodbye properly.”
“I’m sorry,” I say softly.
He snaps his gaze to me, staring with bloodshot eyes. The lights are turned down low, making everything eerie.
“You don’t have to apologize. It’s what she wanted, and I understood it. You meant a lot to her.”
“I’m sorry for all of it. I’m sorry it happened. I’m sorry it happened thatway. I’m sorry…”
For what I did tonight.For what I still want to do.
“She knows why I sent you away, but she didn’t agree with me. She wanted you to stay. She wanted us to work it out. I was just so determined it was the right thing to do. Now I wonder, what if you’d stayed? Maybe we could’ve made it work. It wouldn’t have been… normal. I know that, but there might’ve been a chance.”
I swallow a big lump, knowing I can’t take anything he says too seriously. Treating his words like a solid commitment would be unfair, as though he’s giving me permission.
It would be unfair…
But all of this is unfair.
“You did what any man would do in your position,” I say, reaching over and squeezing his shoulder. “No, that’s not right. You were kinder. Most men would have swung on me or slandered me publicly. Most men would’ve done everything in their power to ruin me.”
“But you were honest,” Adam says, looking at me with shining eyes. “You came to me, and you told me, and I think we could’ve worked it out.”
“It’s the past,” I say.
“There’s still time to fix it,” he replies. “That’s why I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
