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Me: What forms?
Riggs: I'll explain when you get here.
There's only one explanation I can think of, and a new fear takes root.
Me: Are you divorcing me?
Riggs: Is that what you want?
My stomach pitches. I close my eyes, trying to stop the pain shooting through my chest before replying.
Me: No.
Riggs: Good. Neither do I. I'll explain everything you need to know about the forms when you arrive.
I almost tell the driver to go to Riggs's office, but I hesitate. I don't know if I can control myself around him. The last time I knelt for him, he denied me. Ever since that night, I'm fully aware of the growing desperation that plagues me at all hours of the day and night.
It's no longer a craving. It's become a full-on need to submit to Riggs. The throbbing inside me reignited when I saw his name, just like every time he texts me.
I'm scared about what will happen if I don't find a way to quench it. As hard as I try to get past everything that's happened between us, I still can't tell him that I'm ready to uphold the vow I gave him so willingly. And I curse myself for giving it to him without ever thinking about the dark, twisted part of him. I should have never assumed he wouldn't bring me into his vengeance with my father.
Still, as much as I know what he did was wrong, I can't help continuing to love him. It would be much easier if I could hate him, yet I don't.
My phone vibrates, pulling me out of my worries. I assume it'll be Riggs, but it's not.
Mom: I need to see you.
New anger forms deep in my soul. I forget my promise to myself not to engage with her, and I fire back a response.
Me: You weren't there the last two times I showed up.
Mom: I told you I was sorry. I need to see you today. It's really important.
Me: So I'm just supposed to drop whatever I'm doing, go wherever you tell me to go, and maybe you're there and maybe you're not?
Mom: I promise I'll be there.
She sends me a photo of her at the cafe where we agreed to meet the last few times.
Mom: I'm here. I promise I won't leave until I see you.
I debate whether I should go, but I know my mom won't stop bugging me until she gets what she wants. And while I could block her, I know deep down that somehow she'll probably find a way to find me.
Now that she knows I'm married to Riggs, she has too many connections to him. I don't put it past any of her country club friends to somehow get my phone number, even if I change it 5,000 times.
I cave and reply back.
Me: Are you drinking?
Mom: No. I promise.
I don't know whether I should believe her or not. I've heard her lies too many times, and she was super intoxicated the last time I saw her. I've never seen her so bad, except when I was a child and found her on the floor in her room. I thought she was dead and screamed for the nanny to help revive her.
After lots of pondering, I decide I'll go and get it over with. If she's not sober, I'll leave immediately. I glance out the window and ask the driver how far away we are from Riggs's office.
He replies, "Only about two minutes. Is that where you want to go?"
The debate continues, but I decide if I go to Riggs, I'll have to leave to meet my mom. I can find out what he needs me to sign and if it is divorce papers. I cringe at the thought but realize it's better to know. I can meet up with my mom directly after, so there won't be any chance of me taking things with Riggs somewhere that we shouldn't.
