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Not when I still pined after Bernard and prayed he would come back to me.
Chapter 22: Dirty little secrets
Bernard
Being around Rachel was hard.
Especially when I had to keep my hands to myself and pretend like the space between us wasn’t killing me. Over the past week, I had done everything I could to respect her wishes, even keeping our conversations strictly about Ron, but I didn’t know how much more I could take.
And I had no idea how to make things better.
How was I supposed to when she wouldn’t even look at me?
In the mornings, she didn’t linger over breakfast anymore and instead ushered Ron out the door as soon as he was done. In the afternoons, she sat as far away from me as possible in the car and didn’t say a word until Ron got into the car and filled the silence. However, dinners were much worse. Gone were the warm hugs and bright smiles she gave me when I got home from work. Instead, they were replaced with a stiff greeting and a nod in my direction.
I had well and truly messed things up.
Why couldn’t I seem to make her happy?
Over the past few days, I had considered going to her apartment several times, and each time I stopped with one foot out the door. Given that I still had no idea how to make things better or what to tell her to assure her of my feelings for her, I didn’t think it was a good idea to seek her out. Not until I knew, exactly, how to make things right between us.
Unfortunately, I was no closer to figuring it out than I was when we first argued. Over and over, I kept repeating the words she told me, and I kept seeing her face twisted in anger and pain while she stared at me. As much as I cared about Rachel and wanted to make her happy, I didn’t know the first thing about being in a healthy relationship.
Not even when it came to Rachel.
Making it work the past few months had been a stroke of good luck.
But with Carla back in the mix, I should’ve known things weren’t going to be easy. While I liked Carla and wanted to help her out, I had also witnessed firsthand what it was like to be on the receiving end of her dislike. Time and again, I’d seen Carla take down anyone she perceived as a threat, but I hadn’t given it a second thought. Since it didn’t affect me, I hadn’t seen a reason to.
But Rachel was probably right.
I should’ve stopped Carla and set her straight.
For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t.
With a slight shake of my head, I sat up straighter against my chair and picked up the office phone. After making a quick callto Mary, I pushed the chair closer to the desk and stared at the laptop. A short while later, Carla appeared in my doorway, her eyes bright and assessing. She came into my office, and the door clicked shut behind her. As soon as she sat down, I glanced over at her and linked my fingers together.
“I think you know why you’re here.”
“I’m sorry I jumped the gun the other day, but I figured it was a matter of time before you changed your mind anyway.”
“I’m not going to change my mind, Carla. And I would appreciate it if you didn’t go around telling people that you and I are engaged.”
Carla shrugged and crossed one leg over the other. “What’s the big deal? It’s not like I told anyone important.”
I unlinked my fingers and stared at her. “I don’t want you telling anyone, period. We are not engaged. We are not going to get engaged again. This is not up for discussion.”
“Your father did say you weren’t going to come around right away. I guess I should’ve listened to him.”
“What did you just say?”
Carla cleared her throat and uncrossed her legs. “Nothing. It’s not important.”
“No more surprise visits at home, no announcements,” I told her, with a lift of my chin. “I’m your boss, and you’re my employee. We are casual acquaintances.”
“We’re more than that. We were practically family at one point.”
“There’s no need to make this harder than it has to be. I value your contributions to the company, but I need to know that you’re not going to stir up problems.”
