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Burying him.
He’s gone.
He’s dead.
He doesn’t exist anymore.
“You okay, Joe?” my sister asked, reaching up to touch my shoulder. “You look sad.”
“It’s okay.” I forced a smile. “Everything is going to be okay.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded. “Yeah, Shan.”
Because I won’t ever leave you.
MEET THE GOBSHITES
SEPTEMBER 21ST 2002
AOIFE
I didn’t wantto be here tonight, much less on display like a prettified porcelain doll, but that’s exactly what I found myself doing on Saturday night, as I sat opposite the Rice family at Spizzico’s, one of the more uppity restaurants in Ballylaggin.
“Just bear with me for another hour,” Paul coaxed, giving my hand a squeeze under the table, as Paul’s father, Garda superintendent Jerry Rice, drawled on about his upcoming golf tournament in Kerry. “I promise, we can do something you pick after this, okay?”
I slapped on a smile for his mother’s benefit, when I was screaming on the inside.
I tried.
I really had.
When we decided to try again, I promised myself that I would put to bed any notions of my father’s apprentice and concentrate on making it work with the boy whoactuallywanted to be with me.
And to be fair, that’s exactly what I had done for months.
I kept it friendly and jovial with Joey in class, but I steered clear outside of school.
For months, I had thrown myself into our relationship, giving Paul one hundred and fifty percent of my time, attention, and effort, only to find myself still feelingempty.
Because it didn’t seem to matter how much I avoided, distracted myself or denied it, my thoughtsalwaysreturned to the place they shouldn’t.
To the person they shouldn’t.
“Please get me out of here,” I hissed through clenched teeth, still smiling like a creeper at my boyfriend. “Because if I have to listen to your father talk about his impressive handicap or pretentious golf match for another second, I’m going to scream.”
“It’s a tournament,” he corrected, fake smiling right back at me. “Not a match, babe.”
“I don’t care,” I replied, still grinning. “Please.”
“Give it a rest,” Paul bit out. “You’re getting a free meal in a restaurant your family could never afford to eat at, and all you have to do is smile and nod in exchange.”
My mouth fell open. “You didnotjust say that to me.”
“I beg your pardon?” Mrs. Rice asked, setting her fork down. “Aoife, dear, did you say something?”
“Yeah,” I replied. “I said that I’m—“
