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“They sure are,” I confirmed, climbing off the bed to hold them up to my waist. “Shit,” I grumbled in dismay. “I think they might be too small now.”
“They didn’t fit you when you were ten,” my brother mocked from the doorway, where he was holding a pile of his own clothes. “They’re hardly going to fit you now –not with that fat ass you’re dragging around after you.”
“You meanthisass?” I replied mockingly while slapping my ass. “The one your pervy friends keep trying to get a look at?”
“No, they don’t,” Kev argued. “They don’t even like you.”
“Uh-huh.” I rolled my eyes. “Surethey don’t.”
“My friends have better taste in girls,” Kev spat, which caused Joey to chuckle. Turning to glare at him, my brother demanded, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing, lad.” Shaking his head, Joey continued to measure the height of my floor to ceiling with a measuring tape, marking off certain parts of my wall with a pencil as he worked. “Nothing at all.”
“He’s laughing because of how hilarious your denial is,” I pissed my brother off even further by chiming. “Because he knows damn well your buddies are only too happy to get a close up look of this bad boy.” I tapped my ass again and choked out a laugh when my brother threw his pile of clothes at me.
“You’re literally the female version of Shrek,” he hissed. “You don’t even—
“And don’t forget these babies,” I interrupted, giving my braless boobs a jiggle. “Isn’t that right, Joe?”
“He doesn’t agree with you,” Kev snapped and then turned to Joey and asked, “Do you?”
“Your sister’s right, Kev,” Joey said with a sigh. “Trust me, lad, you might be in her year, but I’m in her class, and they’re looking.”
I grinned in victory. “See?”
“Only because she acts like such a fucking tease,” Kev hissed, barging into my room, and snatching the shorts out of my hand. “I don’t know how Paul puts up with you.”
“Hey, give those back,” I ordered, chasing my brother around the room. “Oh, you wouldn’t dare,” I whisper-hissed, when he yanked my bedroom window open and dangled my shorts over the window ledge. “Put the shorts down, fuck face.”
“Make me, fatty.”
“Oh, you’re a dead man,” I warned, lunging across my mattress, only to get there a second too late.
“Noooo!” I cried out, shoving my brother out of my way just in time to see my rediscovered shorts land on the roof of our garden shed, before blowing away once again only to reach their final destination in a pile of Spud’s shit in our garden.
“Wear them now,” Kev taunted smugly. “When they’re covered in one of Spud’s giant shits.”
“Oh, you think you’ve won, huh?” I arched a brow, challenge accepted. “Well, just you wait and see, little brother. I look forward to wearing nothing but the skimpiest bikini I own when I come downstairs tonight during your weird sleepover with your even weirder buddies.”
“You wouldn’t dare.” His eyes bulged. “And who are you calling little brother? You’re like three minutes older than me, dickhead. Also, they’re not weird sleepovers,” he said, before turning to Joey to explain. “We watch pay-per-view.”
“Porn,” I interjected with a snort.
“Hey.” Joey held his hands up. “Whatever works for ya, lad.”
“Wrestling,” Kev corrected, face turning purple. “We watchwrestling. It’s a sport, in case you haven’t heard, Aoife.”
“Fat lot you’d know about wrestling,” I snickered. “Unless it comes in the form of a video game.”
“As opposed to you,” he sneered. “The Olympic fucking champion of lying on the flat of her back like a slut.”
Bullseye.
Ouch.
“Hey,” Joey warned, turning to glare at my brother. “Come on, Kev. Don’t say shit like that to your sister.”
“What?” Kev threw his hands up. “Have you not been listening? She’s a complete—“
