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It didn’t matter to me that she was fourteen now.
In my eyes, she was still the tiny girl in pigtails who had followed me around for most of our childhood.
The world was dark and full of disappointments. This wasn't new information to me. I was far too familiar with the shitty side of life. I'd learned that lesson a long time ago, but Christ, nobody wore heartbreak quite like my sister.
Trembling, I forced myself to rein in my temper, something I was surprisingly good at doing around my sister and crouched down in front of her. “Hey, Shan.”
Her lip was split, her uniform caked in what, by going off the smell, I could only assume was sour milk, and she was clenching her long dark ponytail in her hand.
Her ponytail that wasn’t attached to her head anymore.
I was going to kill them.
I was going to kill themall.
“D-don’t ask me wh-what happened,” she whisper-sobbed, tone pleading. “I d-don’t w-want to t-talk about it.”
“Okay.” Going against every instinct inside of my body, I nodded slowly, careful not to make any sudden move that would scare what was left of her senses out of her. “I won’t.”
I understood what it felt like to be afraid, I’d spent most of my life drowning in terror until I just stopped caring.
Caring meant feeling.
If I didn’t care about what happened to me then I had nothing to fear.
I could survive feeling like that.
I could survive this life.
Shannon stared at me for a long moment, big blue eyes full of unshed tears, and then she bolted forward like a skittish foal, crying hysterically. “I don’t w-want to be h-here anymore, J-Joe.”
“I know, Shan.” Catching her small frame as she barreled into me, I wrapped her up in my arms as tight as I could, wanting to protect her from something that had already happened. “I know.”
“I w-want to d-die,” she continued to cry, choking hard on her tears. “I w-want to n-not be h-here anymore.”
“You can’t go dying on me,” I tried to coax, as terror filled my veins. “What would I do without you, huh?”
“But I m-make everything w-worse f-for you,” she continued to cry. “You k-keep getting in f-fights trying to pr-protect and s-stick up f-for me. It’s n-not fair on y-you… always h-having to s-save me.”
“That’s my job, Shan,” I said as I pried her ponytail from her small fist. “I’m your big brother. I willalwaysstick up for you.”
“I l-love you, J-Joe.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered, wrapping her up in my arms. “I’m going to fix this, okay? I’ll make this right for you. I promise.”
“Shannon!” Mam’s loud cry filled my ears, as she hurried into the bathroom, with our principal hot on her heels. “Oh, Shannon, baby.”
“Shannon,” Mr. Nyhan, our principal, acknowledged in a gentle tone and then, “Joseph,” in a much flatter one.
“What are you going to do about this?” I demanded, rising to my feet and taking Shannon with me. “Did you see this?” Thrusting my sister’s ponytail in front of his face, I hissed, “What the fuck are you going to do about this?“
“Joey!” Mam snapped, flushing, as she pulled Shannon out from under my arm and into hers. Looking as pale as a ghost, she pointed her finger in my face. “Don’t you dare use that kind of language when you’re speaking to your principal.”
“Don’t worry, Mrs. Lynch,” Mr. Nyhan replied in a haughty tone. “We can discuss your son’s behavior at a later time. Miss Lane will contact you in due course to discuss the issue.”
“Oh, what fucking ever,” I sneered, shaking my head. “You’re worried about my behavior, but I’m not the one going around hacking anyone’s ponytail off.”
“Joey!” Mam choked out. “Enough, please.”
