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STEPPING OUT AND STEPPING UP
NOVEMBER 30TH 2004
JOEY
“Mam.”
Standing in the doorway of her bedroom, I resisted the urge to walk over there and tip the mattress and force her to get out of that goddamn bed.
By some small grace of God, the old man had walked out on our mother three nights ago. He declared that we could all burn to death for all he cared because he’d found himself a real woman.
If I could have packed his bags and walked him to the door, I would have.
Instead, I’d been preoccupied with picking my mother up off the kitchen floor.
She’d taken to the bed soon after and hadn’t left it since.
“You have to get up,” I told her. “I’ve the rest of them sent off to school, but Sean is downstairs. Nanny’s in Beara with Aunty Alice so she can’t take him, and I can’t miss school again.” I’d already missed yesterday. “Please, Mam.”
Nothing.
“I have to get my project sorted for Construction.”
Not even a twitch.
“It’s worth over fifty percent of my leaving cert exam.”
Silence.
“Mam!” I said it louder this time, hoping by some small miracle that I would be able to somehow get through to her – wherever the fuck she was in that head of hers. “You’re better off without him. Do you hear me? You are better off. Let him fuck off with that barmaid from town. She’s his problem now.”
Blowing out a frustrated growl when she didn’t so much as flinch, I walked into the room I hated most in this house and forced my legs to walk over to the bed.
“Mam.”
Crouching down in front of her, I tapped on her lifeless hand.
Nothing.
Dead blue eyes stared back at nothing.
I knew she was alive.
I could see her chest rising and falling, but that was the only sign.
Other than that, she was a glorified zombie.
“Mam, please.” Voice softening, I reached over and tucked her hair behind her ear. “You have to get back up.”
A lone tear trickled down her cheek.
It was the only response she gave to tell me that she could hear me.
“Okay, Mam.” Sighing heavily, I pulled the covers over her frail shoulders to keep her warm, and then I headed for the door. “I’ll stay home and mind Sean.”
* * *
“How is she?”were the first words that came out of Shannon’s mouth when she walked through the front door after school. “Did she come out?”
