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When I broughtmy brothers home after trick or treating, Shannon greeted us at the front door, waiting patiently for her cut of the loot – an agreement she and the boys had shaken on when she agreed to make their costumes.
Leaving them to their arguing, I hurried upstairs to take a shower and change my clothes.
When I walked into the kitchen twenty minutes later, Mam was at her usual perch at the table.
“You smell nice,” she said, nursing a cup of tea. “Are you going out?”
“There’s a disco over at the Pav, tonight. I’m meeting Podge and a few of the lads from school there,” I replied, tone civilized, something that was always easier to do when the old man was out of the house.
A massive blowup last week had sent my father temporarily packing.
“Any sign of him?” I asked, reaching into the fridge for a can of coke. “Did he phone?”
Because let’s face it, we all knew he would.
Once he grew bored of whatever flavor of the week that he’d decided was better than the mother of his children, he’d come crawling back.
He always did.
“No.” Shaking her head, she released a small sigh. “I told you last week, he’s gone—“
“For good this time,” I finished for her, reeling off the same line I’d heard at least half a dozen times a year since I was old enough to remember. “Will you be okay on your own with the kids?” I eyed her swollen belly and a swell of concern gnawed at my gut. “I can stay home if you need me to.”
“No, you should go,” she said, pulling herself to her feet. “I’ll be fine here.”
“Mam, if I go out, I’ll be late.”In other words, I won’t be back if you change your mind and decide you need me.“Are ya sure you’ll be alright?” I frowned, uncertain. “What about the, uh, the baby?”
“I’m not due for another three weeks,” she replied. “And I’ve Shannon here to keep me company.” Smiling, which was a rare sight these days, she added, ”we might get a Chinese and watch a film once the boys go to bed.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t count on them going to sleep anytime soon,” I told her, thinking about the bags of sweets they’d collected. “Here…“ pausing for a moment, I reached into my jeans pocket and pulled out a twenty euro note. “Get your takeaway with that.”
“No, no, no,” Mam argued, shaking her head. “That’s yours. I have enough money.”
No, she didn’t.
I knew this because I’d watched her put her last tenner in the electric meter earlier.
“It’s grand. I got paid yesterday,” I told her, thrusting the money into her hand. “I still have money for myself.”
She stared at the money in her hand for a long moment before shakily stuffing it into her dressing gown pocket. “Thank you, Joey.”
“It’s grand. Just make sure Shannon eats something, will ya,” I said, grabbing my keys and moving for the front door. “She’s skin and bones these days.”You both are.
“I will, I promise,” Mam replied, following me to the front door, and then lingering awkwardly in the doorway when I stepped outside. “Have a good night.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “You too, Mam.”
“Joey,” she called out when I was standing at the garden wall. Wrapping her dressing gown tightly around herself, Mam hurried towards me.
Frozen to spot, I didn’t move a muscle when she reached up and pressed her small hand to my cheek.
Blue eyes watering with unshed tears, she leaned up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Be safe.”
“Yeah,” I replied gruffly, clearing my throat, as guilt filled me for the sins that we both knew I would commit tonight. “I will, Mam.”
SLUT DROPS AND ALCOPOPS
