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“I didn’t come back to argue.” She doesn’t look back.
“So I’ve just got accept that you’ll up and leave whenever the fuck you like?” Am I getting this right, because that seems reallyfuckingunreasonable? “Beau!” I’m off across the stones on my bare feet after her, feeling the eyes of many following my fuming form. “I didn’t sleep a wink last night.” I stalk up the steps behind her. “I’ve been calling you repeatedly.” She disappears into the female changing rooms, and I’m right there with her. The three women in there, thankfully, are fully dressed, and all leave hastily, giving my looming frame a wide berth. Beau goes to her locker and pulls out her wetsuit. “I’ve been worried sick, Beau.” She strips down to her underwear, completely ignoring me, and my eyes fall to her arm. Where it all began. My own scars tingle in response. “Running around town looking for you.” Then she starts tying her hair in a high ponytail rather than covering herself, which I’d be really grateful for in this moment. I’ve missed her. Want to hug her, kiss her, spill my love all over her. But I’m mad at her too.
I rip my eyes away from her incredible, beautiful, war-beaten body and find her face. She won’t look at me. Won’t face me. Is she even hearing me?
She slams her locker door closed and sits on the bench, getting her feet into the suit, carrying on as if I’m not here. “Haven’t you got anything to say?” Standing, she pulls her suit up her body and slips one arm in, and then the other before reaching for the zip and dragging it up her back. She looks at me, and I wait, bracing myself, pensive.
She inhales, like she’s ready to speak.
But she doesn’t.
She walks right on out, leaving me standing like a cunt in the middle of the women’s changing room, wondering what the fuck I need to do to penetrate her. Her walls are up, her defenses high. She won’t let me in.
Ever again?
I yell and punch the nearest locker, then stalk out, sweating frustration. We arenotdone. I don’t give a fuck where we are. Who’s here. What needs to be done. She doesnotget to come and fucking go as she pleases and expect me to hang around like a fucking puppy begging for any scraps of affection or sense she might throw my way. No.
I yank the door open, charge out, and meet the full force of Danny’s body. He grunts, I grunt, both of us ricocheting off each other. “Get the fuck out of my way.”
“Intervention it is,” he says, putting up resistance, not letting me leave the changing room. “Now isnotthe time.”
“Now’s the perfect time.” I strain against him, my shoulder pressing into him, each of us putting our full weight and more behind us. “Move, Danny.”
“There’s a delivery to collect.”
“And we’ll collect it.” Just as soon as I’ve dealt with my Houdini fiancée.
Wait.
I still.
Think.
Why’s Beau in a wetsuit? Where’s she going now? “Fuck.” The delivery. I relax, making Danny stagger forward. “She’s getting the delivery with Leon,” I murmur.
“That’s what we agreed.”
“I agreed. I never said I liked it. And part of my reasoning was to give her a little of what she wants, to get what I want. Clearly it hasn’t worked, since I’ve been scouring the fucking city searching for her for the past twenty-four hours.” It’s give-and-take. She wants to be included, I want her to trust me. “I’ve changed my mind.” Fuck this shit. I was going against every instinct I have letting Beau be involved in the delivery from Chaka. But I agreed. I agreed and hoped it would help her. I failed. She’s more distant than ever.
“You know it’s for the best.” Danny holds a hand up, as if readying himself for my imminent charge. “She’s come back. Beau knows if you or I go out there on the water while it’s swarming with Coast Guards, we’ll be pulled.”
I’m incapable of reasoning with myself. Powerless to stop my hurt. She came back, but only to collect the delivery? What about me? What about us? I just have to sit here and wait for her to return whenever she disappears? Alive? In cuffs?Fuck!For the first time, I get a small glimpse of how Beau feels every time I leave her. I’m fucking livid, but her hurt, her utter frustration at how much control she has lost in her life hits me. In protecting her, I’ve been taking away even more control. She was a fucking amazing cop, her life on a trajectory to achieve much and do good. And now? Now she’s relegated to the side-line against her will. But it’s to protect her. To love her. To keep her safe.
I hold my hand out and Danny’s Marlboros land in my palm. I quickly light one and drag in the nicotine. “This is a no-smoking area.”
“Fuck off.” I exhale my smoke all over him and fall back against the wall. “Leon ready?”
“Yep.”
“Jet skis on the water?”
“Yep.”
“Beau’s on mine, right? She prefers mine.” It’s slightly bigger. More comfortable.
“She’s on The Enigma.”
I nod and take more nicotine. “Good.”
