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Her lips curved into a small smile.
“Why?”
“Because.” I shrugged. “I knew.”
“You knew you liked me?”
“Yes, that.” I tucked my hands in my pockets, feeling lighter in the chest just being near her. “And you’re more than just a beautiful woman. You’re smart and caring, and even when we weren’t talking, we were comfortable together. That really hit home for me.”
“That’s nice.”
“Would you be up for a date sometime?” I suddenly felt a desperate need to reach out.
“Mm,” she eyed me, “I’m not sure you’re ready for that.”
“We’ll never know until we try.” My mouth went dry, and I felt a small ball of panic in my gut.
“Look,” she stepped closer, and I forced myself to breathe and could feel a flush of warmth with her so near, “the time we spent together, before you left, it was wonderful. Even though it was only a couple of days, it was some of the best times I’ve had. I heard you were back, and I waited for my phone to ring every night, but it never did. Then I see you here, and you act like you aren’t sure you want to see me. Now you ask me out. That tells me that now is not the time. Perhaps in a while, but this shouldn’t happen yet.”
“I disagree.” I swallowed hard.
“Answer me this.” Her gorgeous eyes burned into mine. “If we hadn’t come here today, would you have called me?”
I broke eye contact and saw her shoulders fall.
“I’m not going to pretend I understand anything of what you’ve been through, Daniel, but if we were to start talking again, I just want to make sure it’s something you’re ready for.” Her hand pressed against my chest just the way she had before she kissed me that day many months ago, and I felt her jolt me alive again. “I’m rooting for you, Daniel.” She started to walk to the car where Tracy and Zack stood talking.
“I’m rooting for us, Sue,” I called back loud enough for her to hear. She stopped but didn’t turn around. Still, I caught her nod, and I knew she heard me. I knew I needed to get my head on right and fight for that woman.
“You’re welcome.” Zack jogged to catch up to me and hit my shoulder as he let out a laugh. I found myself feeling maybe I had something to start living for.
* * *
The next day, I pulled on my sneakers, loaded my rucksack, and headed out for a run.
“Where are you off to this morning?” Dad lowered his newspaper and eyed me over the rim of his reading glasses.
“I need to get things straight up here.” I tapped my head, grabbed an apple, and headed out the back door. I took a deep breath of fresh air, filling my lungs and nose with the pungent scent of morning.
I needed to get back to some kind of normalcy, and because there wasn’t any real structure in my life other than working on the safehouse, I needed to make it happen. One thing I was taught when I joined the army was soldiers needed a routine to keep their head on straight. No matter all the chaos that surrounded you, if could focus on what you needed to do next, you could channel your energy there.
And I needed all my energy to prove to Sue I wanted to be with her. It still baffled my mind that she wasn’t dating anyone. She was beautiful and smart, and it made me want to work harder to get her to notice me. I knew I needed that girl in my life, and I was going to do whatever it took.
Over the next week, I found myself restless and often wondered what Sue was up to.
“What’s going through your head?” Mom caught me mid-thought as the sheep ate out of the bucket I held. I felt one of them impatiently nibble at my fingers, so I quickly dumped the food into their bin. “Would it happen to be about that pretty young woman you were talking to in Patty’s parking lot a few days ago?” I smiled, and she mirrored me.
“Ah, small towns.” I shook my head and laughed as one of the sheep tugged at my pantleg. “Would you knock it off.” I tried to shoo the little bugger away, but he was relentless. “She doesn’t think I’m ready to date,” I blurted. I didn’t care anymore about not sharing my feelings. It felt good to talk about it. My mom had always been my sounding board, and I knew she missed our talks as well.
“Are you ready?” She hung her arms over the railing.
“I didn’t think I was until I saw her.” I nudged the damn sheep out of my way before he ripped my jeans and moved closer to mom. “It’s just that I’ve been waiting for that horrible ache in my chest to ease a bit, and it has, thanks to you and Dad and the safehouse. But when I saw Sue, it was different. Like something let go, it let some kind of warmth fill the hole. You know?” I took off my ball hat to cool my head, then put it back on.
“I can’t stop thinking about her, but what if I’m not ready? What if I mess it up? I still have some dark places that my head goes to, and I’m worried I’ll pull her into them and scare her off.” We both moved outside and closed the gate. One of the baby goats demanded my attention. “Ugh, what do you think I should do?”
“Honestly?”
“Yeah, Mom, just give it to me. Don’t tiptoe around me.”
