Page 29 of Shadows


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“For me,” Zack’s throat contracted, “it was when we ran out of our rations.” He gave us a look in case we laughed over his love of food. We knew running out of food would be his worst nightmare. We didn’t laugh; nothing about our time over there was funny. “Trying to live off a land that no one prepared us for terrified me. I was so thirsty that I drank the rainwater from those leaves we used for bedding.”

“Jesus,” Frank cut in.

“It frigged with me in more ways than one. It messed me up. Here.” He pointed to his head. “Ya know?” We all nodded. “And I was so damn sick after that I actually wanted to die. It let you know that it wasn’t only who we were fighting that could kill us, but everything else too.” He rubbed his head. “I know I’ve said it before, but thanks, Daniel, for looking out for me while I battled that. It sure as hell wasn’t pretty.”

“I think it’s why we’re here,” I nodded, “because when one was down, the other was up.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Zack looked uneasy as he added another log to the fire. I felt like it was my turn to share my weakest moment. I figured I’d go for it and get it off my chest, too. Maybe it would help release some of the pain I carried.

“I’ll be honest, I gave up hope once when we were there.” I felt Frank turn and look at me, and I kept my own eyes on the fire. I needed there to be no secrets between us so we could be free to lean when we needed to. “It was a day I felt so damn miserable. I was wet and tired and hungry, and I could hear the screams of someone being tortured. I guess I just figured it was going to end like that for me. I couldn’t face the idea of it. I remember I just wanted to do it clean and have it be over.”

“I think we’ve all had those moments, Daniel,” Frank said, and I looked at him. Zack nodded as well. “But we didn’t give in to it.” We all agreed and sat in silence as the fire snapped. Zack flipped the steaks, rolled the spuds over, and placed another tin-foil pack beside the steaks then sat back down on his log.

“I still see that kid.” I began to talk again. They all knew who I meant. “His hands were too small to carry much of a weapon. His feet were all torn up from walking without shoes. I mean, he must have had to go night after night with no choice but to do what he was told. That kid was only trying to survive. I know the others looked at me as weak because I didn’t shoot him, but he was just a boy, someone’s kid. I still to this day don’t believe he told anyone where we were.”

“I don’t think so either,” Zack agreed.

“We survived that place for a reason, guys, and now,” I turned and looked over at them and held my beer out toward where the construction was happening across the water, “I think I know why.”

“To fighting a new war together.” Frank held his beer up, and we all tapped our cans to seal our secrets and become that much closer as brothers.

Zack handed me a plate of steak, lava hot potatoes, and bacon-wrapped asparagus.

“Only you would bring a five-star restaurant to the middle of the woods.” I laughed while I cut into the mouthwatering hunk of meat.

“Shit, I’d pay you to cook for me in Washington.” Frank folded an entire asparagus spear in his mouth.

“Dad did say they needed a new cook for the mess hall,” I added.

“Nah,” Zack sprinkled a bit of homemade seasoning on his potato, “you wouldn’t find me in a kitchen like that. I want a place where I can greet everyone make them feel like they’re invited into my kitchen, like family. I want to get to know the regulars and win over the newbies. I want to decorate for the holidays, make a place for people so they feel warm and welcome even if they’re away from their own. I mean, we’ve all felt what it’s like to be away from family.”

“True, true.” I thought about what he said. “But for the love of God, have the odd night where we can dance, listen to some good music. This town could really use something other than that western bar,” I begged through a mouthful of food.

“I know we really do.” Zack grinned as I shook my head, trying to understand why we needed to shove tacky cowgirl bars down tourists’ throats. Redstone was better than that.

“We need aZack’s.” I pointed my fork at him. “Keep it simple and to the truth.”

“I like that,” he smiled, “Zack’s. I’m sure my brother will love that.”

“I think when he hears your sales pitch on why you should call it that, he’ll get it.” Frank smiled.

“He’s not wrong.” I shrugged.

“Daniel, I’m never wrong.” He playfully shoved my shoulder.

We spent two more nights in the woods. We talked of old times and more about rough times. None of us knew until it happened just how much we needed it. A lot was shared, and we laughed and cried and hiked and fished, and laughed some more.

It was like old days again when we were younger and less scarred by life. We found ourselves with big grins and lighter chests. There was even a point where I felt that the demons that had sat heavily on our shoulders were gone, or at least they were there less than before. I only hoped it would last.

I leaned back against a tree on the last night we were there and thought about the progress we had made. Maybe, just maybe, we could actually be whole again now that we were really home for good and had a future we could aim for. I sure hoped so.

The next morning, we woke to a glass lake that reflected the mountains and sunshine like a painting. The truck was basically packed, but we couldn’t resist going out one last time.

We climbed into the canoe and paddled out into the center of the lake and cast our fishing lines. Watcher sat perfectly still at the nose of the canoe and only whined when we reeled in a fish.

“Hey, Zack, move that Black Ghost around more.” I watched his black and yellow fly as it sat on the water.

“Stick to your nymphs. I know what I’m doing.” He moved his fly with a little flick.

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