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I open and shut my mouth.Huh, did he just say that? Wasn’t that supposed to be my dialogue?The surprise must show on my face, for his lips curve in a gentle smile.
"I made a promise not to touch you again—not until I’ve made it up to you—and I intend to keep it."
I incline my head. He wipes the smile off his features. "You don’t believe me?"
I raise a shoulder.
"All I want is a chance to show you how much I’ve changed."
"That’s what I told you once, remember?"
He winces, then nods. "I’m sorry for how I treated you, baby, truly. If I could, I’d go back and change it. If I could, I’d go right back to the beginning and show you how much you mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me. Since the day I saw you in high school, there has been no other woman but you."
I push the hair off my face. "You have a funny way of showing it."
"At first, it was because I was too young. It’s not easy for a boy on the cusp of manhood to admit to himself that he’s found the woman he wants to be with for the rest of his life. When you called me for help, I felt compelled to respond. I was so worried you were in trouble, so I came to you right away. Then I found out you’d betrayed me, and it hurt so much... That’s when I realized how much I cared for you. That’s when I realized I had real feelings for you. It made it more difficult for me to forgive you than it would have been to forgive someone who didn't matter. If it were anyone else, I could have forgotten about it and moved on. It wasn't about my life being destroyed. It was about you destroying my life, you know?”
I swallow, then nod.
“And then, when I met you again, you were all grown up and gorgeous, and even more alluring than I remembered. I was hell-bent on revenge, and it pissed me off to no end that I couldn’t stop myself from being attracted to you. From developing feelings for you. Again. It was a hell of a wake-up call. A massive ego bashing. Here I was, trying to teach you a lesson, when all along, it was you who was showing me just how wrong I was. So many times, I wanted to back down from the path I’d set for myself, but I couldn’t… Not until the day I walked into your apartment and saw you crumpled in the shower. Everything changed then."
"Not on the outside," I murmur.
"It did here." He taps his closed fist on the skin over his heart. "It flipped everything on its head. Every preconceived notion I had about you, about us, every narrative I’d fed myself until then, seemed irrelevant. Every complaint I had about what you did to me seemed so trivial. I knew then, I still felt something for you, but I didn’t have the balls to admit it to you. Or to myself. Not even when you told me that you loved me… That you still love me." He swallows, and an uncertain look comes into his eyes. "You do still love me, right?"
"I’m not sure."
54
Cade
A hot sensation cuts through my chest. It’s as if a flaming hot knife has impaled me, and someone is twisting it to increase the agony exponentially. A bead of cold sweat runs down my back.
I suspected she might not be as open to a relationship with me, that some of the love she felt for me might have shriveled, thanks to my actions. But to hear her say so openly that she doesn’t love me anymore—? My guts churn, my stomach heaves, and a bitter taste fills my mouth.
"All I want is a chance to prove to you that I know how wrong I was. Give me a chance to make it up to you. A chance to show you how things can be with us."
She glances away, then back at me. "Why should I?"
I blink.Whyshouldshe listen to me? Why should she agree to give me one minute, let alone one chance, to show her how much she means to me?
"Tell me why, Cade? Why should I even listen to what you have to say after what you did to me? After you broke the trust my brother placed in you to get me to comply to your demands?"
"Because I love you, Abby."
She shivers, and a tear runs down her cheek. "I’ve waited so long for you to say that, but now, I’m not sure that you mean it."
"Believe me, Abby."
She firms her lips, "Why should I believe you, when all you’ve done is be nasty to me and lie to me at every turn?"
I swallow, glance around the room looking for answers, then glance down at the floor in front of me. I bend one knee, then the other, until I’m kneeling on the floor. When I glance up at her, she’s looking at me with a stunned expression. At least, she hasn’t yet left the room, which is a start.
"I’m sorry, Abby. So very sorry. All I’m asking is that you give me the opportunity to make it up to you. Please, Sparrow, because we’ve known each other for so long. Because your brother is my best friend. Because the only consistent thing in my life so far has been you. It’s thoughts of you that got me through my darkest days. It was the goal of seeing you again, of having you smile, of smelling you, tasting you, holding you in my arms that gave me the drive to keep going. When I was beaten up and in the hospital, it was the dreams I had of tracking you down and making sure our paths collided that was the push I needed to reform my life. I’m nothing without you, Abby. Nothing. And I know I don’t deserve you. I know I’m not worth the dirt beneath your feet, but if you have even one iota of feeling for me, please, please give me the chance to make it up to you. That’s all I’m asking you—a chance—I’m begging you, I—"
She walks over to me and places a finger on my mouth. "Shh, Cade, please get up."
I shake my head. "Not until you say you forgive me."
